Here’s a video Dr. Sutton originally posted on his YouTube channel in 2009; it has drawn a lot of traffic and interest. It’s on a topic that continues to frustrate and confuse a good many folks as they attempt to work with a child that’s angry … and chooses to stay that way.
Anger in children and adolescents is one of the toughest behavioral issues to manage and “fix.” In part, this is because the expression of anger tends to “feed” the next angry outburst.
In other words, angry behavior is self-reinforcing as it creates “benefits” for a youngster. For instance, the child or teen who’s uncomfortable with peers being close to them might engage in behaviors designed to push others back to a more “comfortable” distance. If closeness bothers a youngster enough, any behavior that is obnoxious enough to produce the distance probably will be repeated. It’s tough on one’s social life, but it provides immediate relief.
(Although we’re talking about kids here, there are plenty of adults who do the very same thing, aren’t there?)
Consequence for poor behavior won’t do much to slow down a youngster who acts out to achieve relief. After a behavioral episode, this youngster easily can tell you all about the consequences to follow. For that reason, piling on more consequences isn’t always the answer.
I made this video in 2009 to better explain the characteristics, issues and behaviors of anger in young people, to share why I believe they are sometimes so resistant to change, and to offer insights into how we can better address the needs of the chronically angry child or adolescent.
The blog, ebook and newsletter mentioned at the end of the video have all been combined into this site, The Changing Behavior Network. The website is correct [link]. An updated telephone number is on the website.###
Dr. James Sutton is a nationally recognized psychologist that started out as a Special Education teacher. He is the founder and host of The Changing Behavior Network. His current book project, Improving a Youngster’s Self-Esteem (revised), is soon to be released through the Network.
Parenting is always complex. Parenting following a divorce can add many other layers of distraction and confusion to the mix. That makes it even more important for parents to be aware of how their children are responding to the divorce.
One common error parents make is that of misunderstanding the stage of development their children are at which can lead to unrealistic expectations. Too often parents will assume that their child possesses a better handle on their emotions and a deeper understanding of human nature than is really possible at their age. So when their child acts out or otherwise misbehaves, it’s easy to misconstrue their intentions.
Parents mistakenly see these small beings as little adults who bring adult reasoning and comprehension to daily circumstances. With that mindset, it’s easy to get disappointed when our child’s behavior doesn’t live up to our expectations.
When divorce enters the family dynamic, we often forget that our children are processing their feelings with limited skills and emotional awareness. We all know the complexities of divorce can become an enormous challenge for adults. Imagine the ramifications on youngsters or even teens!
Give your kids a break. How unfair (and unrealistic) is it to expect your children to fully understand what Mom and Dad are going through and then respond with compassion? Emotional maturity doesn’t fully develop until well into our twenties. Yet divorced parents frequently put the burden on their children to be empathetic, understanding and disciplined in their behavior when they themselves struggle to access those mature attributes themselves.
Parents can be especially misguided in their expectation about teens. By nature teenagers are very self-absorbed. They don’t yet have the full capacity to put others’ needs ahead of their own. In addition, most teens are not very future-focused, nor are they motivated by lectures about consequences. Part of the parenting process is to role model positive traits and to demonstrate the advantages of setting goals, planning ahead for the future, etc. Unrealistic parental expectations lead to needless conflicts with our teens which can easily result in a sense of confusion, insecurity, guilt or shame within their fragile psyches. Why get angry at your teen for not displaying adult maturity at a time when your own maturity may certainly be at question?
By understanding your children’s stages of emotional development as they grow, you are less likely to make the mistake of confiding information they can’t psychologically handle or asking them to play the role of mediator, therapist or personal spy. You’ll be more likely to have reasonable expectations for them and refrain from feeling disappointed when your child behaves as the child they still are! ###
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! For her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting, free articles, coaching services and valuable resources on divorce and parenting issues, visit: http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.
How much self-confidence does a child or adolescent need? Some might say: Enough to function.
But is that really true? Is that all we want for our children, enough self-confidence to function, to barely get by? No, we want more that that for them. We want them to have the ability to handle the challenges of life as they come, without being sidetracked by doubt or feelings of being less than capable.
And we want them to THRIVE, and encourage others to do the same.
But what about the youngster with poor self-confidence? What are the signs that tell us a child or teen is struggling? What can we do to help this youngster handle daily challenges or unique and new situations more effectively? How do we help him or her interpret a few mistakes as part of learning a new skill, and how do we encourage them not to beat themselves up with negative self-talk?
Listen in to this excellent program as your host, Dr. James Sutton, interviews prominent child and adolescent psychologist, Dr. Frank Sileo, regarding issues of self-confidence in young people. It’s a timely topic, anytime.
Dr. Sileo is the founder and director of the Center for Psychological Enhancement in Ridgewood, New Jersey. And, since 2010, he has been consistently recognized as one of New Jersey’s top kid doctors. Dr. Sileo has written numerous articles on a variety of topics related to mental health, and he has also written five children’s picture books. One of them, Sally Sore Loser: A Story About Winning and Losing, was awarded a Gold Medal from the prestigious Moms’ Choice Awards. His latest book, the focus of this program, is Don’t Put Yourself Down in Circus Town: A Story About Self-Confidence. (27:18)
Like many people, I love spring! I look forward to longer days, warmer weather, colorful, blooming flowers and trees, and the chance to spend more time outdoors. I am more motivated this time of year and always seem to begin new projects and start personal challenges that I have put off through the winter months.
All that said, this year, my family is committed to doing things a little differently. Instead of adding new tasks and taking on more, we are going to reduce, cut back and refocus our priorities. We are doing some serious spring cleaning – both figuratively and literally, and making a real commitment to live more simply.
We recently had the opportunity to spend several weeks away from our “normal” lives. In addition to gaining a fresh perspective, we were reminded of the importance of down time and the blessings that come from unscheduled family togetherness. Away from the hectic schedule, rushed activities, work, school and social obligations, and constant pull of technology, we were able to connect on a much deeper level and experience a peace I haven’t felt in years. Not to mention, we had more fun just “hanging out” than any of us can remember!
Here are a few guiding principles that we will embrace as we “clean house” this spring:
1. Focus on what matters most – Find a way to quiet the noise and daily distractions and make time (even a few minutes) for the things that are most important (a hug, an encouraging word, playing together, a focused conversation, a shared meal, preparation for a special event or task).
2. Remember, less is more – In contrast to what American consumer culture preaches, I believe having and doing less leads to a greater sense of accomplishment and peace. This goes for material items (clothes, toys, accessories) as well as work, social and volunteer obligations. None of us can do everything well and when we are spread too thin, everyone suffers. We have to pick and choose. We need to say ‘no’ to lots of good things in order to fully commit, enjoy and reap the rewards of a few great things!
3. Be present and engaged – All human beings crave relationship and a sense of belonging and yet, in this digital age, people are more disconnected and lonely than ever. My children feel loved when we spend quality time together. To protect our family time, we have technology-free zones at home, a “no technology during meal-time” policy and frequently scheduled “family members only” nights.
4. Carve out down time – Most of us had a lot of unscheduled time as children to explore, discover, imagine and play. Downtime is a rarity these days, so we try to resist the urge to have built-in entertainment wherever we go and plan days, afternoons and evenings with no set agenda.
5. Make memories that will last a lifetime – It’s our goal to raise successful, independent, ethical, optimistic, compassionate adults, and we only have a limited number of years to instill the wisdom and values in our kids that will guide them the rest of their lives. We must be deliberate and intentional about the people and experiences we expose our children to. We make it a priority to plan outdoor adventures and family trips since it’s quality time we all enjoy, and we believe nature is a great teacher. ###
Christy Ziglar, CFP® is the founder of Shine Bright Kid Co., an experienced personal finance advisor, speaker, entrepreneur, mother of twins, and the niece of legendary motivator, Zig Ziglar. She is the author of Can’t-Wait Willow!, Must-Have Marvin!, and Whatever Wanda!, the first three books in the Shine Bright Kids series from Ideals Children’s Books, that helps teach kids (ages 4 – 8) basic life and character skills and the importance of making good choices. For more info, visit http://www.ShineBrightKids.com
We hope you enjoy this program as Dr. Sutton interviews childhood disabilities specialist Barbara Morvay. The topic is a good one, and certainly one that needs even more attention today.
Although we’re better at questions than answers, much has been observed, researched and written about autism. We know it is the fastest growing developmental disability in the United States, and we know that raising and teaching an autistic child present patience and skills-stretching challenges daily.
But what about the siblings of an autistic child? What do we know of their concerns, fears and feelings regarding their autistic brother or sister? Additionally, what specific things can we do with the “normal” siblings to help them adapt, adjust and become as resilient and emotionally fit as possible?
Parents have been asking these questions for some time, but there haven’t been many answers. Until now.
Our guest on this program, Barbara Morvay, has written a ground-breaking book that squarely addresses the siblings of an autistic child, My Brother is Different: A Sibling’s Guide to Coping with Autism. In the book (enthusiastically endorsed by autism advocate, Temple Grandin) and in this interview, Barbara addresses the thoughts “normal” children are afraid to think and the questions they are afraid to ask. Barbara does this by empowering the best counselors a youngster will ever have: Mom and Dad.
Barbara is a retired educator of 37 years. As a Special Education teacher and later principal and superintendent of schools specializing in the education of special needs students, Barbara knows first-hand the challenges involved, but also the victories.
As testimony to her expertise, Barbara was appointed to The Richard Stockton School of New Jersey Board of Trustees, and she was appointed by Governor Chris Christie to the New Jersey Governor’s Council for Medical Research and Treatment of Autism. (27:23)
For those of you who, like me, never cease to be inspired by the words and the character of the late Zig Ziglar, here’s yet another example of the wisdom he left us. –JDS
Somebody once said that success without adversity is not only empty, it is not possible. One of my favorite observations is that the only way to the mountaintop is through the valley, and, in most cases, a series of valleys.
I think of one of the greatest books ever written, Pilgrim’s Progress, written by John Bunyan during a six-month imprisonment in Bedford Jail. Robinson Crusoe was written by Daniel Defoe in prison. Sir Walter Raleigh, after he fell from favor with the queen, wrote his History of the World during a thirteen-year prison sentence.
The great poet Dante worked and died in exile, but while there his contributions to mankind were immeasurable. Cervantes, who wrote Don Quixote in a Madrid jail, was so poor he couldn’t even get paper for his life’s writing, but used scraps of leather. Milton did his best writing blind, sick and poor, and Beethoven composed his greatest music after he had gone deaf.
These people, instead of complaining about their cruel fates, took advantage of whatever opportunity they had. We will never know, but we must wonder if we would have heard of Helen Keller, had that childhood disease not robbed her of both her sight and hearing.
Would Franklin Delano Roosevelt have made it to the White House had he not been afflicted with polio? Was his confinement to the bed and later the wheelchair the reason he was able to think his life philosophy through and develop the style and manner that led him into the most powerful and important position in the world for four consecutive terms?
You probably have friends or acquaintances with some serious handicaps who’ve accomplished some incredible feats. The question is, would they have risen to greatness had they not had those adversities to overcome? If adversity has come your way, don’t give up the ship. Think in terms of what you have left and the fact that victory is even sweeter when you overcome adversity. Give it a shot and I’ll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!
Zig Ziglar is known as America’s Motivator. He authored 33 books and produced numerous training programs. He will be remembered as a man who lived out his faith daily. (This article reprinted with permission from Ziglar, Inc.)
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents. She’s also the author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! This unique ebook doesn’t just tell you what to say, it provides age-appropriate, customizable templates that say it for you!
Rosalind provides telephone coaching services on parenting skills during and after divorce. She also offers teleseminars, group coaching programs and a comprehensive Mastering Child-Centered Divorce 10-hr. Audio Coaching program with workbook that is downloaded around the world. Rosalind is the co-host of the Divorce View Talk Show, where she interviews compassionate divorce experts on crucial topics relevant to parents. Past shows are archived here [link].
Rosalind is an Expert Blogger for The Huffington Post, JenningsWire, KidzEdge Magazine, CBS News Eye on Parenting, The Examiner as well as Exceptional People Magazine. She’s also an Expert Advisor at ParentalWisdom.com, a Contributing Expert for Divorce360.com, and most of the largest divorce and parenting websites and blogs. Her ChildCenteredDivorce.com blog was selected as the No. 1 blog on the Best Resources for Divorced Parents and Separated Families list. Rosalind has also co-authored an 8-hr and 12-hr Online Anger Management Program for Co-Parents and high conflict families. Learn more here [link].
Rosalind’s newest book, co-authored with Amy Sherman LMHC, is: 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! It’s packed with wisdom for women who are moving on after divorce and are ready to create a loving, lasting and fulfilling relationship in the years ahead. Learn more here [link].
As an international speaker and workshop facilitator, Rosalind provides live programs and teleseminars on issues related to Child-Centered Divorce as well as dating after divorce and successful relationship skills. To learn more about her books, e-courses and Divorce Coaching Services visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.
For an excellent, free resource on post-divorce parenting written by Rosalind, go to our section of complimentary materials from our guests. To hear Rosalind’s interviews with Dr. Sutton, use the search box on the right by entering “Rosalind Sedacca.”
Dr. John Mayer
Dr. John Mayer is a clinical psychologist with experience in working with children, adolescents and families. His specialty is working with deeply troubled and violent teens and young adults. For this reason, he is a go-to consultant to law enforcement nationally and in his home area of Chicago.
In addition to being the author of over 60 professional articles, mostly on family life, Dr. Mayer has written 20 books, a screenplay and a stage play. He has also received a contract for his first novel, Shadow Warrior, to be developed into a major motion picture. Although Dr. Mayer’s most recent book, An Anger at Birth, is a work of fiction, it contains insights into pathological, violent and extremely dangerous teen behavior, precisely the sort we see in the news regularly.
To say An Anger at Birth is an eye-opener would be an understatement. The plot finds a city paralyzed by fear after a series of violent crimes that break an ultimate taboo: harming infants and young children. The police suspect a pedophile; the media fuel fears of a violent new gang. Meanwhile, a street-smart shrink and a hard-nosed cop defy a raging time bomb that’s planning an ultimate attack on innocents. Based on actual events, this chilling, fast-paced novel pulls the reader into the world of violent, troubled individuals–and what can happen when we fail to help them.
Here’s a short video trailer for the book:
Use this link to learn more about Dr. Mayer’s books [link]; this link will take you to his clinical website [link]. He has also provided an article, “When Your Teen Seems Angry: 7 Things to Look For and 7 Things to Do;” it can be found in the section of this site featuring free materials from our guest specialists.
To access Dr. Sutton’s radio-style interviews with Dr. Mayer on The Changing Behavior Network, use the search box on the right, entering “Dr. John Mayer”.
TWO BOOK GIVEAWAYS were featured with this program, one by Danny and one by Ava (both autographed books will be given to one winner). Registration is now closed.
Something important is missing today from the education of most children and teens. They have little exposure to it at home or school, potentially leading to deficiencies that can follow them into adulthood. What is missing is financial literacy and the sort of knowledge and practice of managing money that builds financial fitness in our children.
Unfortunately, we don’t have to look very far to see the difficulty financial problems can create in a home and in a life. Stability and happiness easily can be sacrificed when there’s financial pressure. It’s not a good way to live for anyone.
Teaching our children about money and financial responsibility, and doing it early on, just makes sense. It gives kids a major tool for handling life. Danny Kofke, a retirement consultant and former special education teacher, will offer insights and interventions on this program as he and Dr. Sutton discuss ways to bring our children up to speed on important matters of financial literacy.
Danny’s three books on personal finance started with How to Survive (and perhaps thrive) on a Teacher’s Salary, followed by A Simple Book on Financial Wisdom: Teach Yourself (and your kids) How to Live Wealthy with Little Money. His most recent book, the one featured on this program, is A Bright Financial Future: Teaching Kids About Money Pre-K through College for Life-Long Success. He has delivered his message on numerous network television shows and right at 500 radio shows.
Danny and his work have been featured in a number of national publications, including USA Today, PARADE, The Wall Street Journal, Bottom Line Personal and The Huffington Post.
Ava Kofke, Danny’s ten-year-old daughter, must have a pretty good handle on money matters. She wrote her own financial book when she was nine, The Financial Angel: What All Kids Should Know About Money (ages 4-11). Dr. Sutton visits with Ava on this program, also. (28:58)
Dr. Sileo: My child HATES to lose at anything. She becomes so upset that it’s difficult to talk to her about it. It’s becoming a serious problem. What can I do to help her tolerate some loss without being so tearful, angry and worked up?
It is very difficult for some kids to lose. It’s understandable for youngsters to feel sad, disappointed and angry when they don’t win at something. Kids, and even some adults, really struggle with losing. The issue of sportsmanship is what prompted me to write my children’s book, Sally Sore Loser: A Story About Winning and Losing, to teach kids about how to be a good sport.
Over the Top
It sounds like your daughter’s anger is over the top, and it seems like losing really causes her significant emotional distress. You may want to avoid talking with your daughter when she is so visibly upset. She is not going to hear or comprehend anything you are saying to her.
Tell her, “When you can calm down, then we can sit and talk about what’s making you so upset.” Give her some space in a safe area to express her feelings. When speaking calmly with her later, be sure to show her empathy by letting her know that it’s difficult to lose at things.
A “Before” Talk
You may want to sit with your child and talk with her before an event, game or any other competitive activity. Talk about the rules of being a good sport and to remember that she is doing the activity to have fun. Remind her that sore losers often lose friends, also. Tell her that, even when you lose at something, you win because you get to keep friends.
Be a Role Model
As a parent, remember you are the role model, so it is important to model good sportsmanship as well. Encourage and practice being a good sport by playing board or other types of games where you practice congratulating the winner or saying, “Good game.”
Show your child how to take deep breaths and engage in self-talk like “Calm down,” “I had fun,” or “It’s only a game” when she feels anger surfacing. If she physically acts out toward others, herself or property, you should set limits and boundaries around her acting-out and impose consequences for that behavior quickly.
Look for opportunities in the media to point out good and bad sportsmanship and discuss these incidents with your daughter. If things worsen as your daughter continues to struggle, it may be time to seek the help of a licensed mental health professional to help her regulate her feelings and develop other coping skills. ###
Dr. Frank Sileo, psychologist, is the Director of The Center for Psychological Enhancement in Ridgewood, New Jersey. His book, Sally Sore Loser; A Story About Winning and Losing, was a Gold Medal recipient from the prestigious Moms’ Choice Award. [website]
This special report, done in interview format, is presented in three parts. It addresses issues of bullying (traditional and cyber) and resulting instances of suicide in young people. Suggestions for intervention are also offered.
If a suicidal youngster is being seen by a counselor, therapist or clinician, what is the focus of treatment?
(Sutton) I can only outline an approach I would take. First of all, it’s critical I keep in the front of my mind the one thing most capable of preventing a youth suicide: the presence of at least one positive, meaningful relationship. It’s a sobering thought, but true, that I might be that one relationship, at least until I can help the youngster re-attach to others.
To this end, the development of a genuine and caring rapport with this child or teen is paramount, as would be my expectation of the youngster that they would not take their life while I am trying to help them. (This might sound a bit egotistical on the surface, but, if a youngster has little or no regard for his/her life, thoughts of the effect of their suicide on others, certainly including family members, could be an excellent, short-term deterrent.)
One of the first questions I would ask of this youngster is one I borrowed from my psychologist friend in Virginia, Dr. Doug Riley: “Do you want to die, or do you just want the pain to go away?” That one question might stop them in their tracks because they’ve always felt that death is the only way for their pain to stop.
Early on, I would want to assess the degree and depth of the youngster’s sense of hopelessness and their level of impulsivity in the face of their distress. It would also be important to address the causes of this youngster’s difficulties and obtain some sort of immediate relief where and when possible. (One example might be a schedule change at school. It’s not a total solution, but it is a start, and it signals to the child or teen our willingness to act on their behalf.)
Although treatment approaches will vary from one youngster to the next, my primary goal would be to help them with the insight and skills for regaining control in his/her life. I would give them “homework” and expect them to comply, especially since their resulting actions, or lack of them, can be therapeutically significant.
(For instance, I told one young man to take a lap around the football field before he walked home after school. My intent was twofold. First of all, some kind of activity almost always helps with depression. Second, a willingness to follow well-intended directions is an investment in one’s own healing.)
At some point, this youngster might be a good candidate for group work, if I can arrange it.
What is the parent’s role in this phenomenon? What can they do to minimize the bullying (traditional orcyberbullying)?
(Jacobs) Parents need to build trust with their children from an early age regarding all things digital. The child needs to understand they can go to their parent anytime something they read or see on the screen upsets them. Once trust is built and ingrained in their psyche, monitoring their cyber life in later years won’t become a major issue.
As the child matures and is allowed greater use of digital devices, parents should monitor all of their accounts closely and regularly. You can’t protect your child if you don’t know what they’re exposed to. Communication about cyberspace should be ongoing while encouraging the child to report any and all cruel messages or anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.
Regarding sexting, the “sext” talk should be done while in middle school and continue throughout high school. This isn’t like the sex talk that many dread and can’t wait to get over. It should be ongoing.
Because kids have access to smart phones and other mobile technologies earlier in life, iscyberbullyinga problem among elementary-age children?
(Jacobs) Although not a major problem, elementary schools are addressing the issue by teaching and practicing tolerance and kindness. Books and posters are available to K-5 students and teachers from children’s publishers. I am not aware of any court cases or prosecutions of elementary school students for cyberbullying.
What are the legal options open to youngsters who are severely bullied?
(Jacobs) The victim and his or her parents can and should take action. If the bully is known, the parents may attempt to discuss the situation with him and his parents. The parents should also notify the principal with a request that the school’s bullying policies be adhered to. Schools have addressed cyber-bullying of classmates and teachers through suspension and expulsion in the appropriate case.
Schools are charged with providing a hostile-free learning environment and failure to do so may have legal consequences. Some recent cases have resulted in civil lawsuits brought against the bully, parents, school districts and administrators. Depending on the facts of the case, a variety of legal theories may be pursued including negligence, physical or mental harm, invasion of privacy, defamation of character, and intentional infliction of emotional distress.
Another way to deal with a cyber-bully is to seek an Order of Protection from a court. Sometimes referred to as a restraining order or injunction, a violation of the order may result in contempt and possible jail time. The order can restrict a person from all contact with another person or set limitations on the type of contact, frequency and location. Once in place, a protective order will last a specified period of time but may be renewed if necessary.
Finally, if the acts of the bully constitute a crime under relevant statutes, the police may become involved. Criminal charges including intimidation, threatening, harassment, stalking, or impersonation may be filed against the bully in juvenile or adult court. Penalties for conviction include probation, community service, counseling, jail, or prison.
Do you have any recommendations, legally and socially, regarding action against bullying of all sorts?
(Jacobs) Generally, regarding cyberbullying, don’t respond or engage the bully, make copies of all messages and block further messages.
Then, if the bullying continues, see the legal options discussed above.
(Sutton) I would only add that bullying, like poverty, disease, hunger and other issues that affect people’s lives, is very much a social problem. We all have a responsibility to deal with it, not only for the sake of a bully’s victims, but for the sake of decency in society as a whole. ###
Tom Jacobs spent twenty-three years in family and juvenile court before retiring in 2008. He moderates AsktheJudge.info with his daughter, attorney Natalie Jacobs. AsktheJudge is a free, interactive resource for teenagers, parents and educators about the laws that affect teens and youth justice issues.
A nationally recognized child and adolescent psychologist, author and speaker, Dr. James Sutton is the founder and host of The Changing Behavior Network, a popular internet blog and radio-style podcast dedicated to the positive growth of children, teens and their families.
If you are a parent, grandparent, foster parent, teacher, counselor, or other child-service professional, and you want to help children, teens, and their families move past problem behaviors or difficult circumstances, or simply reach a healthier, happier state, you're in the right place. Enjoy, and please share this site with others. --Dr. James Sutton, Psychologist & Host
Danny Kofke's book, "A Bright Financial Future: Teaching Kids About Money Pre-K Through College for Life-Long Success," and Ava Kofke's book, "The Financial Angel: What All Kids Should Know About Money (ages 4-11)," were won by Brittany Kotzur of LaVernia, Texas
Dr. Frank Sileo's children's picture book, "Don't Put Yourself Down in Circus Town: A Story About Self-Confidence," was won by Jennifer Pirog of Downer's Grove, Illinois