Category Archives: Community Involvement

3 Ways to Manage Your Unruly Child (Peggy Sealfon)

3 Ways to Manage Your Unruly Child, Peggy SealfonIf your child is continuously combative and disrespectful to you, imagine that same child at the age of 17 driving off in a car. If you do not reign in behaviors from early ages, you are dooming your child’s future and you are destined for a troubled relationship. Would you let your child eat bad foods, drink poisonous substances, or play with dangerous toys? Allowing out-of-control behaviors is toxic to the family and the child.

Always Testing Limits

Children are always testing their boundaries; a parent’s job is to define those limits clearly within the family structure. As a parent, you must be confident, kind and committed to what’s acceptable regardless of a child’s emotional reaction.

Know that crying is not a death sentence, it’s a growing experience. Discipline and accountability are key elements in raising well-balanced, well-adjusted children. If you allow unruly behavior at any age, your kids will assume it’s acceptable. Remember you’re not their friend, you’re their parent and you need to mentor them.

Three Ways …

Here are a few recommendations:

1. Develop family rules and be consistent in adhering to them. For instance, children should have chores around the house appropriate to their age. They should keep their rooms tidy and help with meals, cleanup, etc. When they do these tasks, offer positive reinforcements, such as saying, “I’m so fortunate to have such a thoughtful child who did all the dinner chores tonight without even being asked…Thank you.”

On the other hand, if they fail to perform the requested activities, you need to activate consequences. Be firm without raising your voice. If they misbehave at the dinner table or with their siblings, they lose privileges such as play dates, no TV, no games, no phone. Depending on the severity of the infraction, they may be confined to their room for a period to think about what they’ve done.

Consider a young adult who got fired from his job. Did he understand what would happen when he got caught with drugs on the drug test? It is important to teach children accountability: If you do something wrong, there are penalties. It’s okay if they learn to use an excuse with their peers for avoiding bad choices such as “My Dad will kill me if I do that.”

Escape from Anxiety, Peggy Sealfon2. Teach respectfulness and kindness. Help your child recognize feelings of gratitude. With young children, reinforce positive moments. For instance, if one child shares a toy with another, say aloud how happy and grateful the receiving child appears so it becomes a teachable moment.

Create a gratitude jar. Ask your child to write one thing they are grateful for each week and put the comment in a beautifully decorated jar. At the end of the month, spend time together as a family reviewing the entries. Words and notes of thanks should also be encouraged and can help children explore feelings of gratitude further.

When your child exhibits positive behaviors, take time to give a compliment.

Make volunteering part of your life by donating family time to help a charitable organization. Use such an opportunity to bring awareness about others who are less fortunate.

When Countess Stella Andrassy was growing up in a privileged household in her native Sweden, every Christmas her parents made sure that she and her siblings visited several homeless shelters to distribute gifts before they were permitted to enjoy their own holiday gifts. “It gave me greater appreciation for all that I had,” the Countess once shared with me. There are few things comparable to the feeling one experiences by helping someone else. Selflessness and kindness are important lessons so children aren’t always thinking about just themselves. You can help them expand their awareness so they’ll learn to enjoy doing things for others.

3. Be conscientious about setting a good example. Walk the walk by exhibiting values and integrity. Let them catch you doing the right stuff. For example, a cash machine delivers $120 when you requested $100. Exemplify the behavior you want to encourage by giving back the $20 in front of your children. Hold the door open for others so that you teach them respect and awareness.

Let children witness you taking care of yourself and dealing with life’s challenges in constructive ways. Show them how to relax with what is. Instead of focusing on problems, withdraw from any immediate dramas and pause for a time out to be able to see a clearer, more productive solution.

More than likely, you have all the basics for your survival. You may want more or are improving yourself but in this very moment, you’re okay. Let your children know that they’re okay. Create a sense of safety and security for your child full of love and support. In this parental environment, children thrive and grow to be valuable adults who contribute to a better world!

Give Yourself a Break

If you’re having difficulty getting centered yourself, try my free audio at 3MinutestoDestress.com. By taking a brief mental pause, you will refresh your mind and body. It will help you think more clearly, feel more energized, function more effectively, and ultimately reduce stress so that you’ll be more present and available for your children! ###

Peggy Sealfon is a personal development coach and author of the best-selling book, Escape from Anxiety—Supercharge Your Life with Powerful Strategies from A to Z. CLICK HERE for a free consultation with Peggy, or visit her website at PeggySealfon.com.

 

 

Better Living Through Chemistry? (Dr. Larry F. Waldman)

Our children are watching us, always. With little effort or fanfare, they typically adopt our characteristics, mannerisms, behaviors and beliefs. This can be a good thing, or, as psychologist Dr. Larry Waldman cautions, it can be a path to trouble. A collective desire to always “feel good” seriously can harm us and our most precious relationships. We present, “Better Living Through Chemistry?” –JDS

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Better Living Through Chemistry?, Dr. Larry WaldmanAll living things, human and animal, strive for homeostasis, the ability to keep things in balance. For instance, when they are hungry, they eat; when thirsty, they drink; when sleepy, they nap. Humans, though, take this one step further. Not only do we want our biological processes balanced, we want to feel good. (We feel good when the pleasure center in our brain is stimulated.) Things like alcohol, drugs, fatty and greasy foods, jewelry, fancy cars, expensive clothes, sex and intense video gaming have little to do with balance but everything to do with seeking pleasure. It’s a feeling good movement of epidemic proportion.

To a very large degree, our health care system operates in similar fashion. If the patient doesn’t feel well, a pill is prescribed with the hope they will feel better in the morning.

Dangerous lifestyles

Unquestionably, the number one killer of adults in the United States is lifestyle: bad diet, overeating, lack of exercise, drinking and drugging, and smoking. All these habits are aimed at, that’s right, “feeling good.” Approximately 50% of US adults today are overweight, and, accordingly, there is an epidemic of diabetes and hypertension. How much will the next generation of adult men weigh when most of them spent their entire adolescence seated staring at a video screen? Interestingly, the recreational use of marijuana for purposes of inducing pleasure, has been legalized in several states; it stimulates binge eating.

The response to this situation has been bariatric procedures and, yes, more pills. I distinctly remember a fertilizer/chemical company in the 60s named Monsanto. Their business motto was, “Better Living Through Chemistry.”

We had no idea how true that would become.

The Primary Treatment

The primary treatment today for depression and anxiety, the two most common mental health issues, is, again, medication. Antidepressants certainly have a role in the treatment of these major maladies, but pills should not be the only intervention, but that’s often the case. Changing behavior and thoughts have been shown to be quite helpful in managing depression and anxiety, but they rarely are used.

Recently a friend of mine noted he was depressed and his doctor (a general practitioner) had prescribed him Zoloft, a common antidepressant, several weeks ago. He was not yet feeling well.

I asked him, “What is the number one thing you would like to have happen that would might make you feel better?” He answered he would like to be in a relationship. When I next asked him, “What have you done to find a relationship?” he admitted he had done nothing. (I was unaware that Zoloft can bring you a girlfriend.)

Who's Raising Whom, Dr. Larry WaldmanWe discussed ways to increase his odds of finding a partner. A few weeks later, he reported he was feeling better. He had met a woman and they were about to have their third date.

Was it the Zoloft or the behavior? I don’t know for a fact, but my vote is for the changed behavior.

As a long-term behavioral psychologist, I am fond of the statement, “It is easier to behave your way into a new feeling than to feel your way into a new behavior.” I submit lots of people today are taking pills and/or drugs simply hoping to feel better.

A Better Way

Suggestion: The next time you wish to feel better, don’t pop a pill, down a beer, or smoke a joint. Instead, tell your significant other you love them; read a story, take a walk, have a bike ride with your child; stroke your pet; call your parent and tell them you were thinking of them; go to the gym; write a letter of gratitude to someone who has been kind or helpful to you; meditate; do a yoga practice; do some rhythmic breathing. All of these examples, and there are many more, are healthy, natural behaviors that can effectively change our feeling state.

“Better Living Through Chemistry” has led us down a dark and dangerous path. It is time to take a new direction.###

 

Larry F. Waldman, Ph.D., ABPP is a licensed psychologist who has practiced in the Paradise Valley area of Phoenix for 38 years. He has worked with children, adolescents, parents, adults, and couples. He also provides forensic consultations. He speaks professionally to laypersons, educators, corporations, and fellow mental health professionals. He teaches graduate courses for Northern Arizona University. He is the author of five books (currently) involving parenting, marriage, personal wellness, and private practice. His contact information is: 602-418-8161; LarryWaldmanPhD@cox.net; TopPhoenixPsychologist.com.

 

A Homeless Clown: The Gift of Receiving (Guest: Dr. James Sutton)

The Changing Behavior Network, Radio-style InterviewThis short program doesn’t feature the typical interview with an author. Instead, Dr. James Sutton, the founder and host of The Changing Behavior Network, turns on the microphone and simply shares his thoughts on giving, receiving, and the importance of youngsters to have a positive and active purpose, especially when idleness can stir up a LOT of trouble. Presented here is “A Homeless Clown: The Gift of Receiving.”

A Valuable Lesson

A Homeless Clown: The Gift of Receiving, The Changing Behavior NetworkListen in as Jim shares a lesson he learned when he was seven or eight, and how, almost five decades later, he experienced that same lesson, a lesson in receiving, being used very effectively. Isn’t there always a place for learning to receive well?

A homeless clown? Yes; it’s sad, but true. But in this case, the clown played an important part in teaching a group of at-risk boys how to receive a less-than-attractive gift.

Dr. James Sutton

Improving a Youngster's Self-Esteem, Dr. James SuttonDr. Sutton is a “mostly retired” child and adolescent psychologist that started off as a Special Education teacher. He has worked with children and adolescents in the school and clinical settings, and has lectured extensively in the US and Canada regarding ways to effectively reach, teach, manage and treat youngsters with emotional and behavioral disabilities.

Dr. Sutton has authored more than a dozen books, including the e-book we are featuring here, Improving a Youngster’s Self-Esteem (revised). (12:23)

Learn More About THIS BOOK

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A Salute to Courage: Honoring the WWII Generation (Dr. Davis L. Ford)

The Changing Behavior NetworkHere’s a special program honoring all US military veterans on Veterans Day, 2016. Especially honored are the veterans of World War II. The Second World War has always been an interest of mine (I was born during the Battle of the Bulge), so when word of Dr. Ford’s new book came, plans for this interview went into motion. He and I are both veterans; we hope that sense of service comes through in this special tribute. We are proud to present “A Salute to Courage: Honoring the WWII Generation.” –JDS

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Davis L. Ford, A Salute to Courage: Honoring the WWII GenerationMost of us have never known what it feels like to have our personal freedoms put at serious risk. The privileges that come with being an American are, much too often, taken for granted.

The Greatest Generation

But true freedom is NEVER free. More than ever, our children need to understand that. In this program we honor those that journalist Tom Brokaw calls The Greatest Generation: the men and women of the Second World War.

Our tribute here includes those who bravely fought a war in Europe and a war in the Pacific at the same time. They won them both depending on the support of the workers and families that supplied their needs with an industrial output of ships, tanks, planes and weapons that still boggles the mind today.

With passion and courage, everyone had a part to play. They played it as if their very future depended on it … because it did.

But the attack on Pearl Harbor was 75 years ago. Few of the veterans of WWII are with us today. Their children are,  for the most part, retired. Their grandchildren are middle-aged, and their great-grandchildren generally have few memories of being with them. Their lives and their service are preserved in stories, photo albums, picture frames and a few special keepsakes, like an American flag folded three corners.

The Second World War Through Younger and Older Eyes, Davis L Ford

Dr. Davis L. Ford

To help us honor this special group of Americans we have Dr. Davis L. Ford, author of The Second World War Through Younger and Older Eyes: A Personal Journey. His research and his travels to battle scenes in Europe and in the Pacific, as well as his many interviews with veterans that fought in both theaters, come to life in this engaging interview with your host, Dr. James Sutton.

Dr. Ford is a practicing environmental engineer with over 50 years of experience in the field, plus he’s a scholar and Adjunct Professor in the College of Engineering at the University of Texas at Austin. He has lectured internationally and has written extensively on the treatment and preservation of one of our most valuable resources: water. Other books he has written chronicle the lives of soldiers and cowboys. (37:13)

www.davislfordphd.com

 

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Surviving Your Adolescents (Guest: Dr. Tom Phelan)

BTRadioIntWhat do you do after you write a blockbuster parenting book like 1-2-3 Magic! Answer: You keep writing! That’s just what internationally renowned psychologist, Dr. Tom Phelan, did. The book we featured on The Changing Behavior Network when I did a 2012 interview with Dr. Phelan was Surviving Your Adolescents: How to Manage and Let Go of Your 13-18 Year Olds. Here’s a spot-on discussion of a tough topic with a leading parenting expert. –JDS

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Communication with adolescents can be an issue that leads to other concerns and problems. Fortunately, there are things parents can do, things that work!

The Snub

Dr Tom Phelan, Surviving Your AdolescentsSomewhere during adolescence, youngsters regress to speaking again (to their parents) in one or two-syllable sentences:

How was your day?

Fine.

What did you do in Social Studies today?

Nothing.

Our guest today, Dr. Tom Phelan, calls this teen behavior “The Snub.” It’s part of a stage of normal adolescent behavior and development. Dr. Phelan explains how to redirect “The Snub,” not with a “Re-Snub” (which can lead to a whole menu of trouble), but by changing the questions. It takes a little work, but it can be done.

Surviving Your Adolescents

There are, of course, deeper and more serious issues that affect our teens today,Surviving Your Adolescents, Dr. Tom Phelan and they are a substantial part of that often uncomfortable (and painfully slow, from their perspective) journey from child to adult. This program looks at the four most prominent areas of challenge and difficulty that lead to risky and unsafe behavior in adolescents: driving, drugs and alcohol, sex and romance, and technology. Dr. Phelan will explain how critical it is for parents to avoid emotional reactions to adolescent behavior, the Four Cardinal Sins of parents of teens, and other issues that only create more distance and conflict in the relationship.

Dr. Tom Phelan

A clincial psychologist, Dr. Phelan is an internationally renowned expert, author and lecturer on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder. He’s the author of Surviving Your Adolescents: How to Manage and Let Go of Your 13-18 Year Olds. His landmark book, a million seller plus, is 1-2-3 Magic! (27:32)

www.parentmagic.com

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Compassion Fatigue: Caring for the Caregiver (Loren Gelberg-Goff)

BTRadioIntThis program, taken from our archives, addresses a concern among all types of caregivers. Dr. Sutton, host of The Changing Behavior Network, interviews Loren Gelberg-Goff on this very important topic of compassion fatigue.

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A Good Quality, But …

Compassion is a good quality for any person to have. But too much compassion for too long can cause one to become dejected and weary. It can even make folks sick as it takes a toll on persons of high purpose and intent.

Compassion Fatigue

Loren Gelberg-Goff, Compassion FatigueWhen a person is a caregiver of others, either as a family member or as a profession, there will always be a risk for compassion fatigue. It’s a condition affecting good people, and, when children and grandchildren are in the home, how we deal with it is on display. How do we recognize the symptoms of compassion fatigue, and how is it managed and treated, or, if possible, avoided? Our guest on this program, author and psychotherapist Loren Gelberg-Goff, will help us with answers to these very important questions and concerns.

Loren Gelberg-Goff, LCSW

Being Well Within, Loren Gelberg-GoffAs a licensed clinical socialworker, Loren operates a thriving private practice in which she supports and encourages individuals to live their lives authentically empowered and fulfilled. She also provides training and keynotes on related topics of work and family balance, managing anger, dealing with stress, and expressing forgiveness, just to list a few. Loren is the co-author of the book, Being Well Within: From Distressed to De-Stressed. (The other co-author is Carmel-Ann Mania, also a health service professional.) (26:47)

http://www.beingwellwithin.com

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Bullycide: When Cyberbullying Turns Fatal (Guest: Judge Tom Jacobs)

The Changing Behavior NetworkIn this radio-style podcast taken from our archives, Dr. James Sutton interviews Judge Tom Jacobs, a former Arizona juvenile court judge, on the topic of bullycide, youth suicide as a result of cyberbullying.

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Cyber Bullycide

As effective tools of communication and commerce, the internet and cyberspace have changed the way we live. For all the good and benefits they bring, there is a downside. This program addresses loss of life as a result of cyber abuse: Bullycide.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe suicide of young people as a result of cyberbullying is a serious issue that is growing in its impact. Our guest on this program, Judge Tom Jacobs, studies cyber bullycide and the circumstances and events that affect the lives and welfare of our young people. Judge Tom will guide us through the issues of bullycide and how it happens, and he will share his research on legal implications and what we can all do to best protect our children and grandchildren from such a grave threat.

Ask the Judge

Judge Tom is the founder and moderator of AsktheJudge.info, a teen-law website for and about teen, tweens and the laws that affect them. His daughter, Natalie, assists him in making AsktheJudge.info a go-to resource. It’s also a valuable website for parents and educators who want to stay current with issues that affect the safety and welfare of our young people.

AskTheJudge.info, bullycide, judge tom jacobs

Judge Tom Jacobs

Judge Tom is a retired juvenile judge from Arizona, having spent 23 years on the bench. He has written several books for lawyers and judges, as well as for teens and parents, including the book that covers our topic in this program: Teen Cyberbullying Investigated. (28:04)

http://www.AsktheJudge.info

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Raising Compassionate Kids in an Indifferent World (Guest: Heather Wilson)

BTRadioInt-300x75-300x75Youngsters learn compassion and caring by observing how those qualities are demonstrated by the role models they know best: parents, grandparents, neighbors, teachers, coaches and others. Young eyes are always watching … always. Raising compassionate kids in an indifferent world might be a challenge sometimes and, with life itself as the classroom, school is never really out. Fortunately, Heather Wilson has some great ideas that can help.

Brighter Hope

Its’ really about making hope brighter, especially in those places where hope is dim. It’s about giving of ourselves and our abundance to help those in need. It’s about putting hands and feet to compassion, and realizing later that everyone has become better as a result. And it’s about teaching our children the true service and joy in giving.

A How-to Plan

Heather Wilson, GoSendGo, Christian CrowdfundingIt’s good to encourage compassion and caring in our children, but it’s even better to incorporate it into a “how-to” plan. Our guest on this program, Heather Wilson, offers some practical activities of service and giving, ways to help our kids become more aware of the needs around them and how to address them in simple and life-lifting ways. Heather will also share about an endeavor close to her heart, a way for individuals to come together to create major acts of benevolence all over the world.

ABOUT Heather & GIVE-sEND-gO

Heather Wilson is a co-founder and CMO of GiveSendGo.com, a free Christian crowdfunding site. She and her husband, Dan, currently live in Maryland with their five children.

GiveSendGo, Heather Wilson, The Changing Behavior Network, Christian CrowdfundingTechnology and creative design have always fascinated Heather, so, when she and two of her siblings started talking about an idea for a site that would allow people to join together and make a difference all around the world … well, she jumped in with BOTH feet. After a period of intense development, GiveSendGo officially launched in October of 2015. It is now the #1 Free Christian Crowdfunding site on the internet. (29:37)

www.GiveSendGo.com

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BONUS: Heather has put together an excellent, free resource for you. It’s entitled, “10 Crowdfunding Ideas to Create Summertime Family Adventures.” It also contains an additional bonus. Download it directly HERE.

Every Vote Matters; Encourage the Power of a Young Person’s Voice (Guest: Judge Tom Jacobs)

BTRadioInt-300x75-300x75In election year 2008, 40 million individuals eligible to vote failed to do so. Four years later, 2012, 90 million voters that could have voted chose not to do so.

Judge Tom JacobsAs the old saying goes, “What’s wrong with this picture?” Why aren’t more people voting? If this is a trend, what might it be costing us? If voting was like the use of a muscle, are we approaching a state of civic atrophy?

And here’s the BIG question: What message are we sending to our young people when we don’t bother to contribute to the ballot box?

These discouraging figures concerned retired Arizona Judge Tom Jacobs and his daughter, Natalie Jacobs. Yes, we should be setting an example for our children, but it ought to be a positive one. Driven by this concern, Judge Tom and Natalie did their research and wrote Every Vote Matters: The Power of Your Voice, from Student Elections to the Supreme Court (Free Spirit Publishing, 2016).

Judge Tom Jacobs, Natalie Jacobs, Every Vote Matters, Free Spirit PublishingIn this informative and encouraging book written for teens and young adults, attorneys Judge Tom and Natalie not only emphasize the importance of voting and related activities of volunteering, they cite many major Supreme Court cases that were decided by … that’s right, ONE vote. Yes, every vote does matter.

Judge Tom Jacobs, Natalie Jacobs, Every Vote Matters, Free Spirit Publishing

Judge Tom is the guest on the program. He’s an advocate for young people, having written a number of books on the law and legal rights as they pertain to teens, and on contemporary issues like cyberbullying. So, please listen in, and pass on Judge Tom’s brand of encouragement to the young people you know. Every vote matters; encourage the power of a young person’s voice.

Judge Tom Jacobs has served as an Arizona Assistant Attorney General, a Superior Court juvenile judge, and a family court judge. Natalie Jacobs, a former criminal defense attorney, works with her father on the teen rights website, AsktheJudge.info, helping teens and their families become better informed about youth rights and laws affecting minors. (27:27)

www.AsktheJudge.info

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BONUS: Judge Tom and Dr. Sutton teamed up to write a short ebook, Bullied to Death, a look at the legal and psychological issues associated with youth suicide as a result of being bullied. This book can be downloaded free, HERE.

Teens: Building Character for the Future, Part Two (Guest: Barbara A. Lewis)

BTRadioInt-300x75-300x75Building character into the lives of our young people can pay substantial dividends in their future. As always, character counts.

building character,character counts,Barbara A. Lewis,building character activities,character educationSome character traits are optional. For instance, we can choose to be thrifty, punctual or curious. But other traits, like honesty and a respect for life, are absolutely necessary for a society to survive and thrive. It’s that important.

So if character counts, we would do our children a great service by teaching them early how much it does count, wouldn’t we? As teens begin to grow into adults, it’s especially important they develop positive traits of character and practice them regularly in the real world.

building character,character counts,Barbara A. Lewis,building character activities,character educationAuthor, educator, and guest on this program, Barbara A. Lewis, believes strongly that young people need to know not only what they stand for, but how they should put it into action. In fact, that’s the title of Barbara’s book for and about teens, What Do You Stand For? A Guide for Building Character. In this two-part program, Barbara will share her insights on character development, character education, and how to share it with teens.

Barbara has won many honors and awards as both an author and an educator. She and her work have been featured often in print and broadcast media, including Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, Family Circle, “CBS This Morning,” “CBS World News,” and CNN. (20:16)

http://www.BarbaraALewis.com

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