Childhood: Something We Don’t “Get Over” (Guest: Loren Buckner)

BTRadioInt-300x75Can you recall some really great moments from your childhood? Are they a joy to recall? Would you secretly like to have posters of those moments all over the house? But what about those not-so-good times, or even those parts of our childhood that bring discomfort as we think about them even today? Can we really bask in the best and simply forget the rest?

LBucknerphotoAccording to the guest for this program, psychotherapist Loren Buckner, ALL our childhood counts, even the parts we prefer to “delete.” Unaddressed, those parts can cause us and our closest relationships difficulty we don’t understand and certainly don’t need or want. The good news is that Loren will share how uncomfortable experiences and circumstances from our past can be addressed in ways that bring growth and changes that support it. The benefits are well worth the effort.

LBucknerbookLoren is the author of the book, ParentWise: The Emotional Challenges of Family Life and How to Deal with Them. Her wealth of experience as a mental health professional and as a mother of now grown children, puts Loren in a position to share what works and what doesn’t in the challenges of parenthood and in contributing to relationships that thrive. (28:45)

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The Shoes: A Story of Kindness and Giving

BTLifesMoments1-300x76This is not a story that directly relates to the spirit of the Christmas season; yet it does. A moment in time and a gesture of concern and kindness offer encouragement and hope, often when it is most needed.



The Scene:

Early 1900s

It’s a cold and blustery December day in New York City


coldA young boy was standing in front of a shoe store, barefooted, peering into the window. He was shivering with cold as a lady approached him from the street.

“Young man, what are looking at so intently in that store window?”

“I was just asking God for a pair of shoes,” the lad replied.

She smiled and reached for his hand. As she led him into the store, she asked the clerk for several pairs of socks for the boy. Then she requested a basin of water and a towel.

shoesThe lady took the boy to the back of the store, and, removing her gloves, knelt down and washed his feet, then dried them with the towel. She then put some new woolen socks on the boy’s feet and purchased for him a new pair of shoes.

As a finishing gesture, the lady tied up the remaining pairs of socks and handed the bundle to the youngster.

Gently touching him on the head, she exclaimed, “No doubt, my little fellow, you are more comfortable now.”

As she turned to leave the boy reached for her hand. As tears filled his eyes, he gazed into her face and asked a question that tugged on her heart:






The Magic of Storytelling (Guest: Bill Ratner)

BTRadioInt-300x75Storytelling is as old as recorded time; older, actually. Stories have always had a way of weaving a tapestry of connectedness, of support and dependence upon each other. Stories bring past and present together as they share a medium unique to humans: the spoken word.

But is the art, practice and opportunities afforded by storytelling, of being and sharing with others, trailing behind our contemporary forms of communication by digital expression? Are we losing something when we can communicate worldwide at a keystroke, yet still be isolated and alone? Have we gone too far with the conveniences of instantaneous messaging? Most importantly, has it taken a hold on our children?

In an earlier interview on the Changing Behavior Network, voice-over specialist, Bill Ratner, shared his most heartfelt concerns regarding screen addiction and digital overload on our children and teens, as well as excessive pressures placed on them by advertising and the media. To address these very issues, Bill wrote Parenting for the Digital Age: The Truth Behind Media’s Effect on Children and What to Do About It. In the book, Bill gives his take on the problems created, as well as potential solutions and needs for reasonable balance.

BRatnerbookPerhaps you’ve never met Bill, but chances are you’ve heard him. He’s a leading voice-over artist and voice actor in thousands of movie trailers, cartoons, television features, games and commercials. Through advertising, he has been the voice of many leading corporations.

But, while raising a family, Bill realized his children were being bombarded by messages he helped create. So, in his concern for the well-being of all young people, Bill founded a program of media awareness for youngsters, wrote Parenting for the Digital Age, and looks to share his thoughts and his experience on the topic wherever and whenever he can.

In this interview, Bill discusses the art and practice of storytelling as one avenue for bringing youngsters and families together, face-to-face, as they share in the time-tested experience of stories. As a bonus, this interview closes with a five-minute story told by Bill, a story that was aired on National Public Radio. (27:42) (A prime storytelling website)

Bill and his work are discussed in THIS ARTICLE published in TIME

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Life-saving Light: One Man’s Wise Solution

BTLifesMomentsAs colonial Philadelphia rapidly grew, Dr. Benjamin Franklin saw a problem developing. Streets became busier and more crowded and clogged with pedestrians, horses and carriage. Traffic was bad enough during the day, but at night moving around in the city was DANGEROUS.

BFranklinPeople were getting hurt. The streets needed LIGHT at night.

Franklin pleaded with the city to put out street lamps for the safety of the people. He was told there were no funds for such a project. There was no argument that lighted streets were a good idea; there just wasn’t any money for it.

lanternBeing a man of action and considerable influence (except with the city, apparently), Franklin addressed the part of the problem that was directly in front of HIS home. He commissioned the crafting of a beautiful, ornate lamp post and had it placed at the street in front of his house. He then ordered a clean lamp be lit and placed on the post every day at dusk.

Folks nearby admired their neighbor’s lamp post so much they did the same in from of THEIR homes. It didn’t take long before streets were safer all over Philadelphia.


It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.


Chinese proverb


Resilience: A path Through Difficult Times (Guest: Kristen Brown)

BTRadioInt-300x75This is a repost of a great interview with Kristen done April 29, 2012.

Life can be difficult, sometimes VERY difficult. How we manage those trying times and circumstances matters.

Resilience, the coming back from deep sadness, tremendous stress and heartbreak, is never a level path connecting loss to recovery. It has many twists, turns, hills and valleys, with struggle, frustration and doubt as part of the journey.

Kristen Brown gives us a good look at what resilience is all about. She and her husband, Todd, were 30. They had it all, a nice home, a secure job and Brooke, their beautiful baby girl. Then, with no warning at all, Todd, an athlete in high school, dies suddenly of a heart attack. For her sake and Brooke’s, Kristen resolved to not only survive and recover, but to thrive in the face of adversity.

This is Kristen’s story, including how she started and operates several successful ventures, wrote a best-selling book, The Best Worst Thing; a Memoir, and continues to reach out with support and encouragement to others who also must travel a path they didn’t choose. (27:04)

Kristen operates a number of business and support websites. All can be accessed through:

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Coping With Grief and Loss During the Holidays (Dr. Frank Sileo)

FSileophoto2The holidays can be difficult when you have experienced a loss. The loss can be a person, a pet, a job or a relationship. Culturally, we have learned that holidays are supposed to be filled with love, happiness, family, friends and get-togethers. When you have experienced a loss of some kind, getting through the holidays can be difficult. The feelings of grief can become intensified. You may be filled with memories of times go by or feelings of hopelessness for the future. There are ways to cope with loss and grief during the holiday season.

Things You Can Do

DO go easy on yourself. Understand that getting over a loss takes time. Be patient with yourself and with others. Prioritize things. If making cookies is something good for you to do, then do it. If not, pass on it this year.
DO understand that the holiday with be different. No matter how hard you try to make the holiday the same, you and those around you will still experience loss and feelings of grief. We need to understand that some parts of the holidays will need to change (for instance, Grandpa won’t be carving the turkey this year). The first holiday without a loved one is always the hardest. Acknowledging that the holiday will be different, and planning ahead for the change, may make it less painful.
snowgraveDO allow yourself to express your feelings. Grief is a painful feeling and grieving is a process that takes time. Talk about your feelings with a loved one, family member or a friend. Keeping your feelings inside is not healthy for your emotional and physical well-being. Ignoring your feelings won’t make them go away. Some people find it helpful to write their feelings into a journal. This compartmentalizes the feelings and allows you time to grieve and then time to engage in other activities.
DO plan ahead. When we plan ahead we may be able to target some, if not all, of the stressors of the holidays. Decide which traditions you wish to continue. Plan how you want to use your time so that you avoid feelings overwhelmed by last-minute details. Not planning ahead can exacerbate these feelings that you may already be experiencing due to grief. Plan ahead on how you want to remember your loved ones.
DO embrace memories. Death can never take away memories of a loved one. Holidays make us reminisce on the past. Share the memories with family and friends. Understand that memories may bring up sadness and well as happiness and joy. If the memories make you happy, it’s okay to smile and laugh. Good and sad memories may cause us to feel sadness and cry. It’s important to let out both positive and difficult feelings.

Things You Should NOT Do

DO NOT try to act like everything is okay when it’s not. Sometimes during the holidays we feel a sense of responsibility to make it “perfect” for others, such as spouses, in-laws and children. No one is expecting this except you. During the holidays, the grief can be activated more intensely than any other time of the year. Expect there are going to be moments when you’ll be sad, angry and frustrated about someone you love. When we pretend everything is okay, we do not allow others to see how we are really doing, and it doesn’t allow others to step in and help us in our grieving process.
DO NOT feel guilty. Holidays can be joyful times. Do not feel guilty for having fun, laughing and enjoying the company of others during the holiday season. If you send out cards and decorate your home, it may be your way of coping with grief. It is not disrespectful to your loved one to carry on traditions. These traditions may help you in the grief process. Also, do not feel guilty about eliminating something or a tradition during the holidays because it’s too painful. If you need to say “No” or pass along certain responsibilities, don’t beat yourself up over it. You loved ones and friends will understand.
DO NOT be afraid to reminisce. Talking with friends and family about times gone by is a wonderful way to remember your loved one. Sharing memories keeps your loved one very much a part of your life even if they are not physically present any longer. Ask others to reminisce with you. They may be able to share memories that you were not aware of, memories that keep them close to your heart.
DO NOT be afraid to cry or share your feelings. Grieving typically involves many feelings, and these feelings may be expressed in crying. When we try too hard to hold feelings inside of us, there’s a chance that our emotions may overwhelm us. We may feel as we may be having an emotional breakdown. It is healthy to let your feelings out. Sometimes people worry that crying will upset others or that once they start, the tears will never stop. Crying is a sign that something is hurting us. Tell others that you might cry, and not to worry.
DO NOT try to replicate the past. When we lose someone we love, change is inevitable. Holidays, in particular, are going to be different. Maintain traditions that work for you; stop those that don’t. Be open to new traditions. When we become rigid on recreating what once was, we will be disappointed. You cannot go back. You have to keep moving forward. Moving forward does not mean forgetting your loved one. ###

Dr. Frank Sileo, founder and Executive Director of The Center for Psychological Enhancement, LLC, in Ridgewood, New Jersey, is a licensed psychologist and author specializing in work with children and adolescents [Dr. Sileo’s website]


Memory Problems in Young People: Impact and Intervention (Guest: Dr. Milton Dehn)



As we learn more sophisticated and more accurate ways to assess issues that affect learning and achievement in young people, we gain valuable information regarding the impact of memory. We are learning, for instance, that problems with a child’s or teen’s short-term or working memory might well be a primary concern in a learning disability. Memory problems can also be a component of attention deficits and other conditions and diagnoses not generally thought to be associated with memory.

Identifying memory problems is one thing; addressing them is yet another. In this program, Dr. Milton Dehn, nationally recognized expert on psychological processing assessment, working memory and children’s long-term memory problems, shares the depth of concerns related to memory. And, of course, he offers interventions derived from evidence-based assessment and research, interventions teachers (and parents) can use to help youngsters strengthen their memory skills. Many of these come from his latest book (with CD), Helping Students Remember, a go-to resource with built-in memory-related lesson plans that can be implemented immediately. Techniques include visualization, locations, pegwords, chunking and grouping, and putting memory words into sentences. He also discussed meta memory and how it is important for a child or teen to know about their memory and how they are progressing as they do the exercises and implement the strategies.

A former school psychologist and trainer of school psychology graduate students, Dr. Dehn is a private practice school psychologist, consultant, presenter and author of several books on memory and learning. He is the co-founder of Schoolhouse Educational Services and the program director for Schoolhouse Tutoring(R), both based in Wisconsin. (25:26)

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Why Our Kids Don’t Need Any More Hoops to Jump Through (Dr. Kris Costa)

Dr Kris color cropped finalOur kids are being ambushed at every turn, and earlier than ever—with messages about nailing test scores, getting into the right schools and performing to superhuman standards. If that alone doesn’t freak them out, they are peppered with constant reminders that they won’t be happy without the best-liked Snapchat story, Kardashian-like rear ends, the latest phone upgrade, or hitting it out of the park scholastically, athletically, musically, socially and even sexually.

They are ramped up from the moment they step foot into school, with all eyes on the prize of so-called “success” and being “cool:” being a star athlete, performer or scholar (or all of the above) so they can get their shot at being accepted into their dream college. Yet, when the rubber meets the road, all the effort in the world may not do the trick. This is unsettling, especially given that many families are sacrificing incredible amounts of energy, money and time in hopes of reaching a goal that has become elusive and often unattainable, plus it’s proving, in many instances, to be downright unhealthy.

Breaking Records; Breaking Hearts

Each year, higher education institutions break records; it’s not unheard of to have over 50,000 applicants in a given year. Multiple SAT retakes, essays galore and “crazy hoop-jumping” (as one of my university students calls it) have become the new norm. The median GPA’s and test scores across institutions continue to skyrocket to unprecedented levels.

BOOK COVER FINALIt used to be that students performing at the level of today’s “average” could write their ticket to most anywhere. In my case, I sent in my fifty-dollar application fee and left it to fate. There were no essays;  no incessant milling over early decisions and early action choices; no worries that I hadn’t applied to a dozen or more institutions “just to be safe,” and no $50,000 a year price tag. At the time, I was less mature and articulate than most fifth graders of today. Those days are gone.

Today’s process has become less than humane, to say the least. It tosses parents, educators and children alike into a pressure cooker that often leaves mental health and healthy development by the wayside.

The Truth on the Big Screen

One night, I nestled in with my daughter, Tori, a senior in high school at the time, to watch the movie Admissions. It was the perfect cap-off to the whirlwind two-year journey we’d completed, stomping across several states and at least a dozen college campuses. She had finally finished her eleventh and final application to round off her applications to “reach,” “mid-line,” and “safety” schools.

Throughout the movie, colleges rejected candidates left and right, despite their being national champion gymnasts, chess players and nonprofit founders with 4.0’s and perfect scores. The humor helped diffuse the tension of a process that had been a major source of strife for Tori and her friends, all of them anxious about what was to come as they awaited highly-anticipated decision letters.

Despite the tremendous value of education, our practices, policies and mindsets need some major shifting. Not only do we need to take well-being into account, but it needs to be made it a top priority, right from the get go. The data is clear. We do better when we are mentally grounded. The anxiety of today’s hyper-competitive market is disrupting learning and healthy development. The U.S. National Center for Health Statistics reports eleven percent of us from ages twelve and up are on antidepressants.

According to a Lancet 2012 Global Mental Health Report, the pressures of today are most intense between the ages of fifteen and forty-four, making it a prime time for problems to emerge if we are not careful. Numbing behaviors like over or under-eating, cutting, drinking, drugging and hookup benders are taking a toll. In too many cases, ramping up perfectionistic behaviors are modern traps for our children and teenagers.

Three Things They Need to Know

Instead of creating more hoops for our kids to jump through and wondering why they are so anxious, depressed or constantly acting out, here are three things we need to repeatedly tell and show them:

1. It’s not worth it if you get sick. Striving for excellence can be healthy and rewarding, and the opportunities of today are, in many instances, worth reaching for. But constantly pushing the boundary to the point of ill health is counterproductive and unsustainable. It can also lead to lifelong habits and behaviors that can breed dire consequences. Pace yourself. There will be all kinds of bait and traps along the way telling you to ignore the warning signs of your body and brain. Find and respect your threshold. This is one of the most important skills you can ever learn.

2. The adults “in charge” have a lot of work to do. We can’t keep pushing you through endless hoops and fanning the flames of perfectionism while expecting you to be healthy and happy. Sometimes we get a bit too overzealous in trying to help you find your way in this complicated world. So here goes: We are not perfect. We’ve told you to work together, but we have a long way to go in this area. Please don’t give up on us. There are lots of us that can help make it better: policy makers, educators, leaders, mental health clinicians, health care providers and beyond. We will band together and stand up for and with you. We will stop creating more hoops and start building bridges that help you truly thrive. You deserve nothing less from us.

3. You are enough. When our culture screams you will never be enough, answer back: You are enough! Yes, competition is steep, and there will always be someone who is further along. That’s the beauty of human potential. Don’t let it deter you from embracing your own multidimensionality and celebrating where you are in your own unique developmental process. Watch out for prescriptive, superficial notions of “cool” and “success.” You are not great because of your rock solid abs, designer shades, beautiful cello piece, grand slam, SAT scores, what college you get into it or what job you eventually land. You are valuable and precious just as you are. And that smile on your face when you are not jumping through hoops is priceless. ###


Dr. Kristen Costa speaks not only from her 20+ years as a mental health clinician and educator, but as a parent. Known as “America’s Stress and Burnout Doc,” Dr. Kris is the author of the award-winning book, RESET: Make the Most of Your Stress, and she’s a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and Psychology Today. [website]



Who’s Raising Whom? Good Discipline Begins at Home (Guest: Dr. Larry Waldman)

BTRadioInt-300x75As much as we love or children and grandchildren, have you ever stopped to consider how their poor behavior could be due to what we are doing or are not doing in response to it? Child development and behavior experts are in agreement that a behavior that keeps on happening because it’s being fed (reinforced), often in ways that slip right past our awareness.

LWaldman PhotoIt happens all the time. (And isn’t it interesting how we can see the problems as they surface in other families, yet struggle seeing them in our own?)

Fortunately, there’s good news … very good news: Poor behavior can be reduced and good behavior can be increased. According to our guest on this program, psychologist and author Dr. Larry Waldman, what our children do and don’t do can be changed using a set of behavioral principles that have been around for what seems like forever. Dr. Waldman and Dr. Sutton discuss these principles in this spirited and fast-paced program, focusing on the importance of parental attention, Rules for Reinforcement, Planned Ignoring and other key insights and interventions. So, fasten your seat belt and hang on for the ride.

WRWDr. Waldman is a psychologist in Phoenix, Arizona. His early career was in education: teacher, counselor and school psychologist. As a doctorate-level psychologist, he has taught at the university level and has served as both consultant and director for agencies providing mental health services. In his career, Dr. Waldman has counseled thousands of children, teens and parents. This program features his book, Who’s Raising Whom: A Parent’s Guide to Effective Child Discipline. (26:24)

CLICK HERE for a complimentary copy of “Five Sure Ways to Raise a Responsible Child” by Dr. Waldman.


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Spotlight Feature: Unlocking Parental Intelligence (Guest: Dr. Laurie Hollman)

BTSpotlightDr. Laurie Hollman’s book, Unlocking Parental Intelligence, is very new. It reveals many insights into how parents can realize better discipline and improved relationships with their children by becoming “meaning makers.” We caught up with Laurie to visit with her on the writing of the book and the impact she would like to see it create.


Laurie, what was the inspiration, the driving force, behind the writing of Unlocking Parental Intelligence?

It’s hard to write in the past tense about my “inspiration” for writing about Parental Intelligence even though the book is finished and published because I continue to write about the concept. My inspiration has had and continues to have many sources for which I am grateful—the children and parents I treat in my clinical practice and my own children. I’m fortunate to be able to keep on writing about Parental Intelligence for Huffington Post, so I can reach more and more parents and receive their feedback and questions. I’m still inspired!

As my three decades of psychoanalytic practice and research progressed, I incorporated the voices of so many mothers and fathers who came at different stages in parenting. Feeling thankful to those parents for telling me how unlocking their Parental Intelligence benefited their families, I was compelled to narrow Parental Intelligence into five accessible steps for others to grow from.

My children were raised with Parental Intelligence. It was natural for me to want to understand their minds—their thoughts, feelings, intentions, and imaginings. It’s wonderful to share trust and love with your children. I hadn’t coined the term, Parental Intelligence, when I was a young mother, but I was practicing it nonetheless and wanted others to have the same good fortune to have empathetic, industrious kids with great senses of humor who enjoy learning, creating, and relating well with others. They have been and surely are an inspiration for my writing.

What were your biggest challenges in writing the book?

I love words! I revel in finding the right word to express what I’m feeling and thinking. I remember working hard on Part I: Developing Your Parental Intelligence to develop five accessible steps for parents to gain Parental Intelligence: Stepping Back, Self-Reflecting, Understanding Your Child’s Mind, Understanding Your Child’s Development and Problem Solving. With each step, I wanted to be talking with my readers through my writing.


Once the five steps were in place, one of the favorite but difficult parts of writing this book became writing Part II: Stories of Parental Intelligence in Practice. Writing short stories was new for me. I wrote about eight youngsters, their families and the challenges they faced, with examples like a two-year-old’s temper tantrums, a jealous identical twin who would hit his brother, and a lonely, though brilliant, seventeen year old.

I began to live with these characters. I remember finishing a chapter about a little boy who drew a picture that led his father to finally understand what he was going through. I was drained—I felt so much for this boy who felt he was a “bad, bad” child when he was so sensitive and wonderful.

I wanted my readers to really get to know the parents and children I was writing about and to care about them. I wanted to bring my readers into the lives of these people, to identify with them, and then naturally learn Parental Intelligence rather than feel like it was an intellectual exercise.

I hope my readers find themselves interrupting their reading to rest the book on their laps just to muse about the characters and let their minds wander into their own lives with their children. In that way, I hope they get to know themselves and their children better—loving them even more.

Writing became relaxing for me. I guess I would “get into the zone.” This experience led me to write to parents through Moms Magazine and Huffington Post. It was a shift from writing scholarly works for psychoanalytic journals and books to writing for the popular press, but I find it challenging and exciting. The book gave me the opportunity to write about what I knew very well and felt very deeply and now I can continue to do that.

You make an interesting turn on the word “unlocking” in the book’s title. What was your purpose there?

I think parents should never be underestimated even when they have self-doubts. When I first have a consultation with distressed parents and ask them questions, they are surprised how much they know about their child. As a psychoanalyst and writer I want to help parents organize what they know and harness this knowledge with the use of Parental Intelligence. In this way, I “unlock” what they know and help them use it in ways they haven’t before.

The five steps take the parents on a journey where they unlock their Parental Intelligence and get to know the underlying problems behind their child’s behavior. The behavior is really sending messages. The key is to understand and decipher those messages.

By unlocking Parental Intelligence parents learn how to understand why children do what they do, what is on their minds, and how they can comprehend their child’s inner world. The behavior is the catalyst to change as words rather than behavior become the vehicle for improved communication and connections between parent and child.

What distinguishes your approach from other approaches to parent-child conflict resolution?

My approach is distinguished by my intent to help parents become “meaning makers” by understanding and applying the three basic, interrelated tenets of Parental Intelligence. First, behaviors have underlying meanings. Second, once parents understand how their own minds are working, they are liberated to understand their child—how their child’s mind is working. And third, once meanings are clear, options surface by which to change puzzling behaviors.

When these three core concepts come into play and parents are faced with misbehavior, first they ask, “What does it mean?” not “What do I do?” With this in mind, the ambiance of family life fundamentally changes.

When parents get to know themselves—their reactions to their child and the many influences on their parenting—they find that they gain a better understanding of their child who wants to be known as he or she actually is. This means that parents no longer focus on the child’s specific misbehavior as the overarching troubles and problems emerge. When those problems are addressed, the original misbehavior loses importance and usually stops. Parents learn how to understand the underlying determinants to their child’s behavior, how to ‘read’ nonverbal as well as verbal communication, and how to create an open dialogue.

You write about politics and parenting. That’s interesting; tell us about that.

My epithet for the last chapter is: “When children’s voices are heard, leaders are born.” My younger son contributed to Part III: The Future with Parental Intelligence with his millennial voice. I’ll let him speak for himself:

“America seems to be in a period of political dogma, a place where certitude is more important than nuance and understanding.” This certainty “is masqueraded as strength, but it really comes out of ignorance and fear. I think you can argue that parents fighting with a child, letting their ego get involved, are doing so out of fear of the unknown, unconsciously using a survival reflex, defending themselves unnecessarily. The only thing that can combat fear is knowledge: knowing there’s a technique to deal with understanding what’s happening in someone else’s mind. And that technique is Parental Intelligence. If Parental Intelligence were taught, if people were encouraged to understand one another before reflexively trying to defend themselves, if trying to empathize and know others’ minds was seen as a strength, we’d live in a more compassionate, if not more efficient, society.”

When a parent reads Unlocking Parental Intelligence, what do you hope is their single most important take-away?

I want parents to think of themselves as “meaning makers,” of course. By the end of the book, if not before, I’d like parents to take away the set of tools needed to help understand their children’s behavior and in turn become more effective parents. Parenting will feel more pleasurable, inspiring, and gratifying. Their children will be grateful, thinking, capable, and loving. ###


Dr. Laurie Hollman is an experienced psychoanalyst and author who has written extensively for many publications. Her faculty positions have included New York University and The Society for Psychoanalytic Training and Research. [website]