Tag Archives: anger

Anger vs Bitterness: Understanding the Difference (Rosalind Sedacca & Amy Sherman)

BTCounselorOne of the most challenging and frustrating aspects of being a parent may be getting along with your child’s other parent. We all understand that parents are parents for life – regardless of whether they are married, separated or divorced. The better you get along with one another, the easier you make life for you and your children – not only for this month, but for years and decades to come.

Rosalind Sedacca and Amy ShermanIt’s a safe bet that you and your child’s other parent are quite good at pushing each other’s buttons. It’s not difficult to bring one another to a state of anger – and then to feel frustration and resentment in return. For that reason, learning how to handle and manage your anger is an excellent and very productive skill to master.

Unfortunately people in our lives hurt us and do things we feel are unfair, resulting in anger, frustration and resentment. These feelings may be longstanding and hard to release.

The Challenge

We all get angry. The challenge is not to let it fester so it moves into bitterness. Anger is an experience, but bitterness is a state of mind we carry with us at all times.  Bitterness keeps us trapped in the feeling, making it hard to let go. It lingers in our minds and overflows into all aspects of our life. People may regard us as moody and arrogant and want to keep their distance. When consumed with anger, we may not even care.

Anger can be healed through forgiveness, but bitterness may be beyond our ability to resolve. While chronic anger is bad enough, chronic bitterness is worse. It can be more destructive, contributing to marital discord, divorce and physical as well as emotional abuse.

Embittered people are their own worst enemy because they are filled to overflowing with paranoia, cynicism and mistrust. They often believe they are the victim of a profound injustice and become obsessed with revenge and retribution.

Managing Anger Effectively

How can we avoid falling into this unhealthy state of mind?

1. Recognize the role anger is playing in your life. We cannot change what we don’t first acknowledge. So ask yourself some pivotal questions. Has your anger become so blown out of proportion you cannot focus on anything else? Is this feeling worth all the energy you are putting into it? Are you prepared to keep living like this, jeopardizing your own well-being as well as the happiness of those close to you?

 2. Acknowledge that you may be mentally pitting “yourself” against “them.” This requires considerable awareness because sometimes we can be very stubborn about whom we blame for our lives. The bottom line is that you’re not in a contest. No one is keeping track of your pain except you. It’s time to explore the possibility of changing your attitude. Is this bitterness putting your life in a better place? Are you deriving satisfaction from seeing yourself as a victim? Does being accountable for your actions and behavior take the burden of responsibility off your shoulders? Is that fair to others?

Ultimately, you may be paying the price of missing the joys of life because you feel you’ve been wronged by another. You don’t want to be stuck in a mindset that causes you to be a bitter and resentful person. The difference between a moment of anger and a lifetime of bitterness is the desire to free yourself from the bondage of hurtful hate.

Learning how to manage anger, especially in parenting and divorce relationship issues, is an important component of a creating a healthy future for everyone in your family. The pay-offs, in terms of harmony, cooperation and peaceful days for your children, make anger management skills worth mastering. You will never regret learning how to diffuse anger and tension in your communication with your child’s other parent. We encourage you to give it a try.

To learn more about managing anger as a co-parent, CLICK HERE.  For help with anger issues related to parenting, domestic violence, co-workers, neighbors and others in our lives, CLICK HERE.

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Rosalind Sedacca, CCT and Amy Sherman, LMHC are co-creators of two programs for handling anger: Anger Management For Co-Parents and Anger Management To Cope With Life Challenges. Sedacca is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. Sherman is a licensed therapist in private practice as well as a Dating & Relationship Coach. For more information on anger management programs, go to www.AngerConflictPrograms.com.

 

 

An Anger at Birth (Guest: Dr. John Mayer)

BTRadioInt(Email Subscribers: Go to the website to see the many “freebies” offered by our guest experts and to listen to radio-style interviews on the podcast player.)

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If you don’t mind getting a scattering of answers to the same question, ask it of counselors and therapists. Differences typically evaporate, however, when you ask them to describe the most challenging youngster they encounter.

It’s the child or teen (or an adult, for that matter) with persistent issues of anger. (One reason for an angry youngster’s resistance to change is that angry behavior is reinforced in the moment of an angry or violent act. Turning that therapeutic corner can be a frustrating challenge, even for the best of specialists.)

JMayerphotoOur guest on this program, Dr. John Mayer, is a psychologist in the Chicago area; his specialty is violent and troubled teens. Through his recent novel, An Anger At Birth, Dr. Mayer sheds plenty of light on youngsters showing existential, pathological anger and rage.

Although the book is fiction, it is based on real circumstances and events. Being fiction, the book allows the reader to know a very angry youngster’s thoughts and motives.

Listen in as your host, Dr. James Sutton, asks Dr. Mayer to share his insights, as well as his experiences regarding treatment for these young people.

JMayerAngerBookcoverHere’s a quick look at the plot of An Anger at Birth.

A city is paralyzed by fear after a series of violent crimes that break an ultimate taboo: the harm of infants and young children. The police suspect a pedophile; the media fuel fears of a violent new gang. Meanwhile, a street-smart shrink and a hard-nosed cop defy the focus of the larger investigation to pursue the real serial killer, a raging time bomb who’s planning an ultimate attack on innocents.

Dr. Mayer’s fast-paced novel pulls the reader into the world of violent, troubled individuals–and what happens when we fail to help them. (28:28)

http://www.jemayerbooks.com (This site can also take you to Dr. Mayer’s professional website and contact information.)

TO LISTEN, use the player below or left-click the link. To access the file right-click and “Save Link as …” to save to your audio device), CLICK HERE FOR LINK


(START/STOP Audio)

Grief: What’s The Prognosis? Part Two (Guest: Steve Havertz)

(Note: This is the second and concluding part of a two-part program.)

When is one’s way of grieving appropriate? When is it not? Does one really go through “stages” of grief? Isn’t grief an experience so personal that hard and fast rules really don’t apply? How do you help a young person handle the loss of a loved one?

This two-part program takes a hard look at these questions and more, as our guest, Steve Havertz, shares his thoughts and insights on this important topic. He is well-qualified to do so.

As an experienced counselor, Steve has helped many clients, young and old, navigate the journey of grieving. And, when he lost his young daughter to cancer in 2009 (following the death of his wife several years earlier), Steve learned what it’s like to grieve the deepest sort of loss. As they say, he’s been there.

Steve shares his story in this program as he and Dr. Sutton speak quite candidly about managing loss and about helping young people understand and deal with their grief and loss naturally and effectively. Steve is the author of the insightful and dynamic book, Dragonfly Wings for Emmalee. (25:01)

www.dragonflywings4emmalee.com

TO LISTEN, use the player below or left-click the link. To access the file right-click and “Save Target as …” to save to your audio device), CLICK HERE FOR LINK

Grief: What’s the Prognosis? Part One (Guest: Steve Havertz)

When is one’s way of grieving appropriate? When is it not? Does one really go through “stages” of grief? Isn’t grief an experience so personal that hard and fast rules really don’t apply? How do you help a young person handle the loss of a loved one?

This two-part program takes a hard look at these questions and more, as our guest, Steve Havertz, shares his thoughts and insights on this important topic. He is well-qualified to do so.

As an experienced counselor, Steve has helped many clients, young and old, navigate the journey of grieving. And, when he lost his young daughter to cancer in 2009 (following the death of his wife several years earlier), Steve learned what it’s like to grieve the deepest sort of loss. As they say, he’s been there.

Steve shares his story in this program as he and Dr. Sutton speak quite candidly about managing loss and about helping young people understand and deal with their grief and loss naturally and effectively. Steve is the author of the insightful and dynamic book, Dragonfly Wings for Emmalee. (23:46)

www.dragonflywings4emmalee.com

TO LISTEN, use the player below or left-click the link. To access the file right-click and “Save Target as …” to save to your audio device), CLICK HERE FOR LINK

Helping Adolescents Manage Frustration and Anger (Guest: Dave Wolffe)

Ask just about any counselor, social worker, clinician or Special Education teacher to identify the toughest challenge they face in helping youngsters improve interpersonal skills. Their response will be amazingly consistent: the management of frustration and anger.

Dave Wolffe, banking on over 35 years as a public school educator and counselor, shares a process that works: the Anger Management Power Program. This program builds on the premise of authentic communication and helps young people improve their behavior from the inside out. Interventions Dave calls “Anger Managers” are discussed in this interview.

Dave is a sought-after seminar leader and trainer on the subject of anger management with adolescents. He is an Adjunct Lecturer at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York City, and he’s the founder of PEACE, Inc. (Peace Enhancement Attained through Collaborative Effort), a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting harmonious, peaceful relationships. Dave’s book is entitled, Peace: The Other Side of Anger. (26:30)

For more information and free resources, go to www.peacefulroute.org

TO LISTEN, use the player below or left-click the link. To access the file right-click and “Save Target as …” to save to your audio device), CLICK HERE FOR LINK

When Our Children Say, “I Hate You!” (Guest: Dr. Doug Riley)

No parent wants to hear their child say, “I HATE You!” The need to deal with a seriously upset son or daughter (or student), however, is very much a reality. It seems especially a reality in today’s high-pressure, warp-speed pace of life. How do we manage the youngster and the situation so as not to make it worse, and how do we get back to a more favorable state as quickly and as safely as possible?

Dr. Doug Riley speaks candidly with Dr. Sutton in this informative interview that draws on over 40 years of their collective experience as psychologists. There’s great value here, so listen in! (20:25)

To listen, use the player below. To access the file, CLICK HERE