Tag Archives: making good choices

From Metronomes to People: How We Influence One Another (Terry Lancaster)

Author Terry Lancaster discusses the great power in how we influence and are influenced by those closest to us.

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“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

 

Terry Lancaster, From Metronomes to People: How We Influence One AnotherI first heard that quote from motivational speaker and renown business philosopher, the late Jim Rohn, and took it as a warning to choose my friends wisely.

There’s probably nothing that has more impact on our health, happiness and prosperity than the people we choose to surround ourselves with.

Those you associate with affect how you think, how you act, and who you become. We’ll accept that as a given, but here’s the part that doesn’t get as much attention:

You affect the people you associate with as much as they affect you.

Metronomes and Hockey Players

I ran across this great video of 32 metronomes ticking off 32 random rhythms until they gradually synch into the same frequency. It’s amazing to watch. Especially notice the one lone hold-out that struggles mightily to march to the beat of a different drummer right up to the very end, when it finally surrenders and synchs with the other 31.

People synchronize as surely as metronomes.

I’m the captain of recreational league hockey team prophetically called “BEER.” We named it that specifically so that, when people asked who we played for, we could say “I play for BEER.”

As soon as our games were over, we’d head to the bar for post-game strategy sessions that usually lasted until the wee hours of the morning. Waitresses at the local watering holes would have heated arguments over who got to serve us because we stayed a long time, drank heavily … and tipped well. A good night bringing beverages to the BEER team could pay their car note.

That was then.

Healthy “Synching”

These days, the post game celebrations for the BEER team mostly involve water, lemonade and chef’s salads. That’s because, generally, we’ve mostly shifted in the same healthier direction. Like a houseful of women of childbearing age, we’ve synched our cycles.

Several guys I play hockey with have taken up running, working out and getting into better all-around shape. We didn’t have a team meeting to do it. And we didn’t change the name of the team because, in all honesty, it’d be hard to fit “LEMONADE AND CHEF’s SALAD” on the front of the jerseys.

No one said “Hey, let’s be like Terry.” It just happened. We all tuned in to the same frequency.

It happened at home too. I started attempting to live a healthier life by eating better and exercising more. And, like magic, my wife and daughters began losing weight, exercising and taking better care of themselves. Nothing makes me happier than ordering dinner in a restaurant and hearing all 5 of us give our drink orders: “Water. Water. Water. Water. Water.”

Confirmation Bias

Psychologists have a thing called “Confirmation Bias” that basically proves that we see more of what we expect to see, and more of what we pay attention to. The computer geniuses at Facebook have gone to great lengths to program algorithyms that replicate the way we experience real life. The more we “like” something, the more we interact with someone or some particular kind of post, the more stuff like that we’ll see.

Receivers and Transmitters

BETTER! Self Help for the Rest of Us, Terry LancasterI’ve connected online with people who are committed to improving their lives. One guy I know just wrote a self help book, another has lost over 200 pounds and is up at 3 every morning running 8-10 miles. Another buddy of mine has lost over a hundred pounds and founded an online group devoted to improving lives that has exploded to over 500 members in the last few months.

Facebook, much like life itself, is a self-perpetuating feedback loop. The thing is, each of us is a receiver; we take in signals every day from the people around us, from what we watch on TV, and from those we interact with on Facebook. Those signals shape our thoughts, our thoughts shape our actions, our actions shape our worlds.

And that’s how we become the average of the 5 people we hang out with the most.

But we’re also transmitters. Our thoughts, our actions and our realities affect everyone we connect with. Ghandi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Leo Tolstoy said “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” Michael Jackson said “If you want to make the world a better place, just look at yourself and make that change.”

It all starts with the person in the mirror, doesn’t it?

No amount of complaining, whining and tilting at windmills will ever change the world. It’s too big. But YOU can be better. You can change yourself.

And changing yourself changes the world.###

 

Terry Lancaster helps people create BETTER! lives and build BETTER! businesses one step at a time starting right here, starting right now using the science behind habit formation, focus and flow. In addition to being a best-selling author, he is a contributing writer for Forbes, a TedX speaker and is involved in the GOOD MEN Project. Here’s his website [link].

 

5 Decluttering Myths Debunked (Alison Kero)

Our children are watching us … always. It’s not healthy when we hold onto things that clutter or physical and emotional space. It can affect how we function and the examples we set for our loved ones. Decluttering and organization expert, Alison Kero, has some great ideas here that can move us in a much better direction, a direction we want our kids to follow. We present, “5 Decluttering Myths Debunked.”

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Alison Kero, 5 Decluttering Myths DebunkedI’ve heard it all before; there are so many reasons people feel like they’ll never get organized. Too much stuff, too little time, no energy; the list goes on and on. These are false beliefs. Once we allow ourselves to think about decluttering and organizing as an exercise toward healthier habits, rather than as a difficult project, we can take some positive steps towards enjoying happier, healthier, more productive lives for ourselves and our families.

Here’s a list of my five favorite decluttering myths, along with reasons why they aren’t true.

Myth #1: “It’s Going to Be Hard”

Organizing does involve some light manual labor, so those with certain physical challenges may find it a bit more difficult, but really organizing is more of a mental challenge for most. Being open to recognizing the various emotions that your belongings have gathered with them along their journey with you can be difficult for many people.

There can be a collection of fear, guilt, shame and apathy associated with clutter; it’s often a challenge to face those emotions head-on. The great news is that these emotions are attached to inanimate objects! These things can’t get angry or sad at your expense.

They can’t judge you, either. You, however, can let those useless and damaging emotions go by simply taking them out of your house and over to the donation center, recycling center or dump. Think of it as your own personal therapy session and trust that you can’t do it wrong and you can always go back and make improvements as you see fit.

Myth #2:  “I Don’t Know How”

Organizing is about making decisions. What I love about decluttering is that the process lets you learn and practice making good decisions for yourself.

Personally, I find it’s actually the safest environment to do so. You get to be in control regarding how you want your home to look.  Best of all, there can be no wrong decisions.

Whatever you choose will be exactly right, no matter what. It’s just about what you like and need for yourself in your home, and, with some practice, it does become much easier – fun even, because you’re learning how to empower yourself and learning what you like in the process.

Myth #3: “I Don’t Know WHERE to Begin”

Conquering Emotional Clutter, Alison Kero, ACK Organizing. Clearing Out the ClutterOverwhelm is the quickest way to stop a healthy habit. In organizing there will be moments where you do feel overwhelmed, but it’s okay. It’s about making one choice at a time, then taking one step at a time to help you take action versus giving in to overwhelm and stopping altogether.

When you view your clutter as a whole or your home as one entire project, it may seem extremely challenging to even think about decluttering. However, when you start to break the project down into smaller, more manageable steps, it becomes doable, maybe even kind of easy.

So, to start decluttering your house, pick one room to start and pick one category within that room. If you choose your bedroom, start with your wardrobe. Then pick one category within clothing, like jeans. Place all your jeans together and then, one-by-one, go through them, making a decision on each pair as to whether or not to keep them. Trust your instincts and know that the more often you go through your items, the easier it will become to make the right decisions for just about everything in your life.

Myth #4: “I Don’t Have the Time (or the Energy)”

Trust me, if you are low on time and/or energy, you NEED to declutter. This is how you will get more time and energy because you will be letting go of old emotions as well as physical and spiritual clutter. This is an easy way to do a body/mind/spirit cleanse without having to consume or buy anything weird.

The less clutter you have, the less time you’ll spend looking for lost items. You’ll also save mental and physical energy because you’re not wandering around looking for lost items.

Myth #5: “It Never Stays That Way for Long”

The day after you first learned to walk, did anyone expect you to know how to run a marathon? No, right? Why would you then expect that for yourself?

Creating positive change takes a little time. No one does it perfectly right away. It’s about making small decisions that, over time, lead to amazing changes in your life. It’s a process, and you can keep decluttering as you go throughout your entire life, and you can do it as you see fit. There’s no wrong or right way, it’s just about wanting to surround yourself with meaningful people, places and things for a happier, healthier, more productive life.

Since positive change doesn’t always happen overnight, it’s important to get used to the process in your own time. By letting go of fear, judgment and what you think the outcome “should” look like, you’ll help yourself overcome obstacles and create the changes more quickly.

Allow the process to come as you’re ready for it, and remember: It’s about making one, small, self love-based decision at a time to create the changes you want to see in your life and in the lives of your loved ones. ###

 

Speakers Group MemberLong before decluttering expert, writer and speaker, Alison Kero, started her first organizing business in 2004, she searched for ways to make her own life easier. Since implementing her new decluttering system, Alison has found she now enjoys increased energy, improved productivity and overall greater contentment. She truly enjoys teaching this easy, effective system to her clients through her company, ACK Organizing. To reach Alison, go to http://www.ackorganizing.com.

In The Spotlight (Christy Ziglar and Dr. Daniel Trussell)

BTSpotlightChristy Ziglar

Christy Ziglar, CFP(r) is an experienced personal financial advisor by training. While developing a financial literacy program for young students in the Atlanta Public Schools, she discovered that many of those youngsters lacked the basic skills of goal-setting, delayed gratification and the self discipline required to make good choices in general. She was inspired to launch the Shine Bright Kid Company and to write the Shine Bright Kids stories to help children ages 4 to 8 learn to focus on things that matter most.

ChristyPhotoIn addition to being an experienced financial planner, Christy is the mother of twins and niece of the late Zig Ziglar, legendary speaker and motivator. Her books incorporate a favorite Zig Ziglar word of encouragement to highlight the wisdom and message of the story. Ideals Children’s Books loved the concept and agreed to be the publisher.

Can’t-Wait Willow was the first Shine Bright Kids picture book. It’s about making good decisions and learning how to put off the good in order to have something better in the end (delayed gratification).

RaiseBrighterKids_270 squareWillow exceeded all expectations, going into reprint much earlier than expected and was names a “Most Beloved Bedtime Story of 2013” by Red Tricycle, as well as the “Children & Teens Book of the Year” by Book Gateway.com. The second book, Must-Have Marvin, is headed for reprint and was named one of the “Best Books of 2014” by Atlanta Parent Magazine. It stresses relationships and valuing people over possessions. The third book in the series, Whatever Wanda, is scheduled for release in April of 2015; it will emphasize the importance of a positive attitude.

It certainly looks like Christy, the Shine Bright Kids and Ideals Children’s Books are moving in a direction that would make Uncle Zig very proud, indeed.

For more information about Christy and the Shine Bright Kids, visit the website [link], where you’ll also find free materials and activities for children and families. (Check the free materials page here on the Network, also.)

To access Christy’s radio-style interviews and articles on The Changing Behavior Network, use the search box on the right by typing in “Christy Ziglar.”

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Dr. Daniel Trussell

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERADr. Daniel Trussell is a Licensed Professional Counselor, positive psychology coach and author who has spent his career helping individuals and families reduce and prevent mental health concerns and problems. Currently CEO of WebStar Behavioral Health, he comes from a background in clinical and senior executive positions in managed care, non-profit and governmental agencies. Dan has a clear picture of the concerns and the costs.

But he also has a vision for solutions, especially when it comes to the health and vitality of families. Dan’s most recent work, How Families Flourish: A workbook for family optimization, is a compilation of 50 years of research findings in the fields of psychodynamics, family structure therapy, behavioral analysis, attachment theory and positive psychology (the science and study of happiness).

DTrussellHow Families Flourish: A workbook for family optimization, written to be both informative and interactive, is divided into three sections. The first section identifies 18 characteristics of families that flourish and experience highest levels of life satisfaction. This section also explores common mistakes made by families that are floundering and languishing.

The second section of the book introduces a taxonomy of universal character strengths that broadens and builds positive emotional experience, increases resiliency to life’s challenges and deepens healthy family attachment, respect and communication.

The third and final section, “The Family Charter,” is a step-by-step guide for constructing an action plan for creating and sustaining optimal family functioning.

How Families Flourish: A workbook for family optimization will help any family and its members improve as they strive to flourish. The book is a must-have for any professionals working with families.

Dr. Trussell also provides workshops, webinars and individual consultation with parents seeking to overcome oppositional behavior problems in the home and create more family harmony.

To learn more about Dr. Trussell and his work, go to his website [link]. He has also provided an excellent and generous resource to our page of free professional materials here on the Network.

To access Dr. Trussell’s radio-style interviews and articles on The Changing Behavior Network, use the search box on the right, typing in “Dr. Daniel Trussell.”

A Better Way of Thinking (Guest: Richard Waldman)

RWaldmanphotoIt’s amazing, but true, that people can think themselves into a pile of trouble. What they say they want and desire can end up being sabotaged by behaviors that take them in precisely the WRONG direction. Whether it’s weight loss, a desire to live healthier, a plan to bring finances back under control, or whatever, too many folks start off right only to find themselves eventually back in the same circumstances.

Obviously, our young people are not immune to the self-sabotage that can destroy their own best interest. They seem bright and capable enough, so what’s happening here?

RichardphotoOur guest on this program, Richard Waldman, will address what he calls the “Chatter-in-the-Head” that works to hold us back. It’s powerful; it MUST be dealt with, and Rich will offer his expertise for accomplishing just that.

Richard Waldman is an experienced educator and life coach. The strategy he shares was born out of the realization that an individual’s personality has evolved in more than one direction using a brain that has the power to create on its own. This insight has tremendous application in our daily lives. Rich founded A Better Way of Thinking, a leadership foundation, and he’s the author of Your Guide to a Better Way of Thinking. (28:36)

http://www.abwot.org

 

TO LISTEN, use the player below or left-click the link. To access the file right-click and “Save Target as …” to save to your audio device), CLICK HERE FOR LINK

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A Mission of Empowerment: Addressing Teen Insecurities in Girls (Guest: Debra Beck)

Beck photoMost of us can remember parts of our teen years that we would rather forget. Stuggles and insecurities in growing up are often part of that picture.

The world today is even tougher and more difficult for our young people, be it struggles to achieve, fit in, or pass the tests of always being compared to others. And, according to our guest on this program, Debra Beck, issues and concerns faced by teenage girls are especially difficult ones.

In this program Debra will draw from her work and experience to point out to us the problems these teens face, what we can do to help them become more empowered, and, of course, what parents and other caring adults can do to help.

BeckbookWith over 20 years of experience in self-development and first-hand awareness of how difficult the teenage years can be, Debra took her passion for making a difference and made it her life’s work: helping teens, especially girls, learn to truly love themselves from the inside out. And, as a mother of two daughters, she is especially devoted to helping parents create harmonious connections with their teenage children.

Today, Debra  creates and facilitates workshops, retreats, training and mentoring through her organization, Empowered Teens and Parents. Debra is the author of the award-winning book, My Feet Aren’t Ugly: A Girl’s Guide to Loving Herself from the Inside Out.  (27:22)

www.EmpoweredTeensandParents.com

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Addressing Childhood Obesity (Guest: Randi L. Levin)

RandiLphoto The health of America’s children is at risk; not from disease, but from overeating. One out of three children in the US is severely overweight or obese. Without intervention, these youngsters will encounter even more health issues as they grow older.

Randi Levin, our guest on this program, notes that the recognition of a problem with childhood obesity is a big first step for a parent, but it’s such an important step. When Mom and Dad make the effort to provide healthier food and fun exercise fo their children, lives can change in many ways. Randi will share ideas and recipes from her new book that no only make sense, they are delicious, also!

RLevinbookRandi was enjoying a great career working with physically, behaviorally and emotionally at-risk youngsters when a life-threatening medical condition brought everything to a halt. As part of her recovery, Randi began baking. As a result, she quickly gained popularity as The Muffin Lady.

Two cookbooks and a lot of happy customers later, Randi felt a need to address childhood obesity. The resulting book, Love More; Feed Less: A Tasty Path Toward Avoiding Childhood Obesity, pulled together ALL of Randi’s skills. The book is featured in this program. (27:17)

TO LISTEN, use the player below or left-click the link. To access the file right-click and “Save Target as …” to save to your audio device), CLICK HERE FOR LINK

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COMING SOON: Memory Problems in Young People: Impact and Intervention (Guest: Dr. Milton Dehn)