Tag Archives: Sally Sore Loser

Helping Kids with Self-Confidence (Guest: Dr. Frank Sileo)

Radio-style Interview, The Changing Behavior NetworkYoungsters that struggle with self-confidence have difficulty in most areas requiring performance and achievement. In this program from our archives, psychologist Dr. Frank Sileo discusses issues youngsters can face regarding self-confidence and how they can be helped and encouraged.
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Helping Kids with Self-Confidence, Frank J. SileoHow Much Do They Need?

How much self-confidence does a child or adolescent need? “Enough to function,”some might say.

But is that really true? Is that all we want for our children, enough self-confidence to function, to barely get by? No, we want more that that for them. We want them to have the ability to handle the challenges of life as they come, without being sidetracked by doubt or feelings of being less than capable.

And we want them to THRIVE, and we want them to encourage others to do the same.

Helping the Child That Struggles

But what about the youngster with poor self-confidence? What are the signs that tell us a child or teen is struggling? What can we do to help this youngster handle daily challenges or unique and new situations more effectively? How do we help him or her interpret a few mistakes as part of learning a new skill, and how do we encourage them not to beat themselves up with negative self-talk?

Don't Put Yourself Down in Circus Town, Frank J. SileoListen in to this excellent program as your host, Dr. James Sutton, interviews prominent child and adolescent psychologist, Dr. Frank J. Sileo, regarding issues of self-confidence in young people. It’s a timely topic, anytime.

Dr. Frank J. Sileo

Dr. Sileo is the founder and director of the Center for Psychological Enhancement in Ridgewood, New Jersey. And, since 2010, he has been consistently recognized as one of New Jersey’s top kid doctors. Dr. Sileo has written numerous articles on a variety of topics related to mental health, and he has also written a number children’s picture books. One of them, Sally Sore Loser: A Story About Winning and Losing, was awarded a Gold Medal from the prestigious Moms’ Choice Awards. The focus of this program is his picture book for kids entitled Don’t Put Yourself Down in Circus Town: A Story About Self-Confidence. (27:41)

www.drfranksileo.com

TO LISTEN, use the player below or left-click the link. To access the file right-click and “Save Link as …” to save to your audio device), CLICK HERE FOR LINK


(START/STOP Audio)

 

What is Self-Confidence, Anyway? (Dr. Frank Sileo)

BTSpotlightWe are featuring the work of psychologist Dr. Frank Sileo of Ridgewood, New Jersey in this post. His latest book, a children’s picture book entitled, Don’t Put Yourself Down in Circus Town: A Story About Self-Confidence touches on a very important topic regarding many children and teens today. For more information about the book, click on the photo of the cover in this post.

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FSileophoto2Parents and other caregivers in the life of a child play an important role in developing self-confidence in that youngster and others. When parents and others accept their children, even when they make mistakes, it provides the groundwork for children to develop positive feelings and thoughts about themselves. When parents do this, they are providing the foundation for self-confidence.

As a parent or caregiver, it is very rewarding to see children exhibit self-confidence in various areas of their lives, from academics to sports to playing a musical instrument, to name just a few. Children who possess self-confidence tend to do well in school, take on challenges, do their best, persist in activities, and have an overall more positive view of themselves.

Definition

Self-confidence can be defined as our beliefs or thoughts about our skills and abilities. Examples of self-confident thoughts might be, “I am good at math,” “I am a good singer” or “I do well in school.” Children with self-confidence trust in their abilities, have realistic expectations, know their strengths and weaknesses, and are able to adjust to difficult or challenging situations. Children who possess self-confidence tend to jump into new situations with realistic thoughts about being successful at a task.

Self-confidence is built through repeated practice over time. When children practice in small steps, they build self-confidence. Persistence in a task, even when mistakes and mishaps happen, builds self-confidence. Confidence builds through action.

CircusTown_72dpiWhen There’s Difficulty

Children who lack self-confidence typically rely on the approval of others, such as parents, teachers and coaches, in order to feel good about themselves. They may avoid things or be reluctant to try new things. They may engage in self-deprecating statements or negative self-talk like, “I’m stupid,” “I’m no good at anything,” or “I’ll never succeed,” which results in feelings of anxiety, depression or despair. Children with low self-confidence often compare themselves to others constantly because they believe they do not measure up. Moreover, less confident children may be more prone to acting-out behaviors such as temper tantrums, crying, avoidance, and withdrawal from others and from tasks.

It should be noted that self-confidence is not a universal experience. For instance, children may feel confident in certain areas of their lives, while feeling less confident in other domains. An example of this might be a child that is confident as a reader, but has lower self-confidence in his or her math skills.

Building Self-Confidence

How can parents and other caregivers build self-confidence in children and teens? Here are several suggestions.

Communicate with your children. When children engage in self-deprecating statements, don’t be too quick to counteract them. Teach them coping and solutions to their problems. Problem-solve with them.

Model self-confidence for your children. Be mindful how you handle your own disappointments, obstacles and failure.

Focus on effort, not on results. When we focus on the effort, we are praising the steps needed to reach a goal, ultimately building on self-confidence.

Encourage kids to practice. The more they practice, the greater their chances of success and greater confidence. When kids don’t do this, they give up, act out, feel anxious and consequently display low self-confidence.

If you find that your child continues to struggle with confidence issues to the point that it interferes with academics, activities or relationships, it is recommended you consult with a mental health professional for further help. ###

 Dr. Frank Sileo, founder and Executive Director of The Center for Psychological Enhancement, LLC, in Ridgewood, New Jersey, is a licensed psychologist specializing in work with children and adolescents. He has written five books for children on topics including lactose intolerance, Crohn’s Disease, winning and losing, homesickness and self-confidence. His most recent book is entitled, Don’t Put Yourself Down in Circus Town: A Story About Self-Confidence. [Dr. Sileo’s website]

 

 

Helping Kids with Self-Confidence (Guest: Dr. Frank Sileo)

BTRadioInt

 

 

FSileophoto2How much self-confidence does a child or adolescent need? Some might say: Enough to function.

But is that really true? Is that all we want for our children, enough self-confidence to function, to barely get by?  No, we want more that that for them. We want them to have the ability to handle the challenges of life as they come, without being sidetracked by doubt or feelings of being less than capable.

And we want them to THRIVE, and encourage others to do the same.

But what about the youngster with poor self-confidence? What are the signs that tell us a child or teen is struggling? What can we do to help this youngster handle daily challenges or unique and new situations more effectively? How do we help him or her interpret a few mistakes as part of learning a new skill, and how do we encourage them not to beat themselves up with negative self-talk?

CircusTown_72dpiListen in to this excellent program as your host, Dr. James Sutton, interviews prominent child and adolescent psychologist, Dr. Frank Sileo, regarding issues of self-confidence in young people. It’s a timely topic, anytime.

Dr. Sileo is the founder and director of the Center for Psychological Enhancement in Ridgewood, New Jersey. And, since 2010, he has been consistently recognized as one of New Jersey’s top kid doctors. Dr. Sileo has written numerous articles on a variety of topics related to mental health, and he has also written five children’s picture books. One of them, Sally Sore Loser: A Story About Winning and Losing, was awarded a Gold Medal from the prestigious Moms’ Choice Awards. His latest book, the focus of this program, is Don’t Put Yourself Down in Circus Town: A Story About Self-Confidence. (27:18)

www.drfranksileo.com

TO LISTEN, use the player below or left-click the link. To access the file right-click and “Save Link as …” to save to your audio device), CLICK HERE FOR LINK


(START/STOP Audio)

 

“My Child HATES to Lose!” (Dr. Frank J. Sileo)

BTQuestionsDr. Sileo: My child HATES to lose at anything. She becomes so upset that it’s difficult to talk to her about it. It’s becoming a serious problem. What can I do to help her tolerate some loss without being so tearful, angry and worked up?

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FSileophoto2It is very difficult for some kids to lose. It’s understandable for youngsters to feel sad, disappointed and angry when they don’t win at something. Kids, and even some adults, really struggle with losing. The issue of sportsmanship is what prompted me to write my children’s book, Sally Sore Loser: A Story About Winning and Losing, to teach kids about how to be a good sport.

Over the Top
It sounds like your daughter’s anger is over the top, and it seems like losing really causes her significant emotional distress. You may want to avoid talking with your daughter when she is so visibly upset. She is not going to hear or comprehend anything you are saying to her.

Tell her, “When you can calm down, then we can sit and talk about what’s making you so upset.” Give her some space in a safe area to express her feelings. When speaking calmly with her later, be sure to show her empathy by letting her know that it’s difficult to lose at things.

SallySoreLoserCover2A “Before” Talk
You may want to sit with your child and talk with her before an event, game or any other competitive activity. Talk about the rules of being a good sport and to remember that she is doing the activity to have fun. Remind her that sore losers often lose friends, also. Tell her that, even when you lose at something, you win because you get to keep friends.

Be a Role Model
As a parent, remember you are the role model, so it is important to model good sportsmanship as well. Encourage and practice being a good sport by playing board or other types of games where you practice congratulating the winner or saying, “Good game.”

Show your child how to take deep breaths and engage in self-talk like “Calm down,” “I had fun,” or “It’s only a game” when she feels anger surfacing. If she physically acts out toward others, herself or property, you should set limits and boundaries around her acting-out and impose consequences for that behavior quickly.

Look for opportunities in the media to point out good and bad sportsmanship and discuss these incidents with your daughter. If things worsen as your daughter continues to struggle, it may be time to seek the help of a licensed mental health professional to help her regulate her feelings and develop other coping skills. ###

Dr. Frank Sileo, psychologist, is the Director of The Center for Psychological Enhancement in Ridgewood, New Jersey. His book, Sally Sore Loser; A Story About Winning and Losing, was a Gold Medal recipient from the prestigious Moms’ Choice Award. [website]

Teaching Our Kids to Win at Losing (Guest: Dr. Frank Sileo)

No one enjoys losing at anything, but the ability to manage loss well, and to grow from the experience, is as much a skill as any other.

The same holds true for winning. No one likes an arrogant, boastful winner who gloats over a victory.

The good news is that the skills of winning and losing can be encouraged and taught to our children. Our guest on this program, psychologist Dr. Frank Sileo, believes it is critical that our children learn early on how to share, follow instructions, handle feelings, try their best, and manage both winning and losing with grace, dignity and respect. He will share with us some excellent insights and ideas for helping youngsters with these skills.

Dr. Sileo, an accomplished speaker and active writer, is the Executive Director of The Center for Psychological Enhancement in Ridgewood, New Jersey. He has authored several books specifically for children. Two of them, Toilet Paper Flowers and Hold the Cheese, Please! have the distinction of being the only books written for children on Crohn’s Disease and lactose intolerance. Frank’s latest book, Sally Sore Loser: A Story About Winning and Losing, addresses the topic of this program. (27:17)

http://www.drfranksileo.com

TO LISTEN, use the player below or left-click the link. To access the file right-click and “Save Target as …” to save to your audio device), CLICK HERE FOR LINK

Teaching Our Kids to Win at Losing (Guest: Dr. Frank Sileo)

No one enjoys losing at anything, but the ability to manage loss well, and to grow from the experience, is as much a skill as any other.

The same holds true for winning. No one likes an arrogant, boastful winner who gloats over a victory.

The good news is that the skills of winning and losing can be encouraged and taught to our children. Our guest on this program, psychologist Dr. Frank Sileo, believes it is critical that our children learn early on how to share, follow instructions, handle feelings, try their best, and manage both winning and losing with grace, dignity and respect. He will share with us some excellent insights and ideas for helping youngsters with these skills.

Dr. Sileo, an accomplished speaker and active writer, is the Executive Director of The Center for Psychological Enhancement in Ridgewood, New Jersey. He has authored several books specifically for children. Two of them, Toilet Paper Flowers and Hold the Cheese, Please! have the distinction of being the only books written for children on Crohn’s Disease and lactose intolerance. Frank’s latest book, Sally Sore Loser: A Story About Winning and Losing, addresses the topic of this program. (27:17)

http://www.drfranksileo.com

TO LISTEN, use the player below or left-click the link. To access the file right-click and “Save Target as …” to save to your audio device), CLICK HERE FOR LINK

COMING SOON: Helping Youngsters with Math Anxiety (Guest: William Devine)